Oh, how I hate to "eat crow."
I think everyone does.
I hate it when I do some thing or other that is based on my gut reactions and I don't think it through, or I don't ask the right questions, or I don't go to the source before jumping to conclusions - and it comes back to bite me - uh - well, in the butt. Always. Every time I learn something new. I feel like Anne of Green Gables when she said, "Marilla, I never make the same mistake twice. But - oh, Marilla - there are ever so many to make!!"
This time I learned another very important lesson.
Never let someone else do your talking for you. Go to the person yourself and be your own mouthpiece. Even if it's hard. OUUUCH - that was hard to learn!!!
It began with me getting sick because people at work were wearing perfume and scented products. We have a scent-free policy at work and I was told that the managers couldn't enforce it because all they can do is accommodate the sufferer. Labour Relations got involved. They told me they couldn't do anything until I named names. I didn't want to but I didn't see any other way for me to get the message out that this was making me sick. I felt I couldn't go to the people who were wearing the stuff, because I couldn't get within 15 feet of them without getting a headache. Even 5 minutes' exposure (at the time) would give me a migraine. I felt I was stuck; I was in tunnel vision mode and couldn't see any other option than the one they gave me. (Read about my illness here).
Management never told me exactly what it was they were going to do. If I'd known, I never would have allowed it.
All I knew was that they were going to have "conversations" with these people. I thought that was a good idea; after all, I couldn't get near them to have those conversations ...and I HATE confrontation.
After a time, I noticed that the people I named were not speaking to me at all. I knew they were probably miffed at me, and that bothered me. However, I didn't know what else I could have done. I was stuck in the mindset that the kind of confrontation I would have to have with them must be face-to-face, and I couldn't do that - physically couldn't. Lately, though, God was working on me, and making me realize that things were not the way they should be between me and these people. Besides, some of them were still wearing perfumed products - even though they might not think they were. I finally approached someone to work out ways to talk to each of these people without putting myself at risk, but I hadn't put any of it into practice yet.
Thursday past, I had to take a file to one of these people. She - brave soul - honestly told me that she was very hurt by the way I handled the whole situation. Then she let me know what she had to go through last summer when I named names. She was called down to the union to have a formal reprimand put on her permanent record. She was told who made the complaint, what it was, and she was not given a chance to defend herself. She was treated as guilty from the get-go. She was totally blindsided.
I felt so very bad. I never intended for the people I trusted, the people who were in leadership and who were supposed to have everyone's best interest at heart, to put anyone into that position.
I apologized profusely for the pain she had to endure, the embarrassment, the trouble I got her into without knowing it. I freely admitted that I handled the whole thing badly. I explained to her where my head was at the time, but I made no excuses for my cowardice. I fully took responsibility for not going to her first - even by email - and trying to work things out.
The whole conversation took 10 minutes. At the end, she felt better, I felt better (sort of) and we understood each other. At least we're talking, which is more than what we were doing before.
That's one less conversation I have to have.
I've got about six more to go. (gulp) I feel like poor George of the Jungle right before his big swing (in the movie with Brendan Fraser). "Biggest swing ever, will hurt very much. But George have to do it! (...whimper....)"
I still don't like the taste of crow. But I know that it keeps me humble, and I have learned so much from every portion.
Even this one (yuck!)
I think everyone does.
I hate it when I do some thing or other that is based on my gut reactions and I don't think it through, or I don't ask the right questions, or I don't go to the source before jumping to conclusions - and it comes back to bite me - uh - well, in the butt. Always. Every time I learn something new. I feel like Anne of Green Gables when she said, "Marilla, I never make the same mistake twice. But - oh, Marilla - there are ever so many to make!!"
This time I learned another very important lesson.
Never let someone else do your talking for you. Go to the person yourself and be your own mouthpiece. Even if it's hard. OUUUCH - that was hard to learn!!!
It began with me getting sick because people at work were wearing perfume and scented products. We have a scent-free policy at work and I was told that the managers couldn't enforce it because all they can do is accommodate the sufferer. Labour Relations got involved. They told me they couldn't do anything until I named names. I didn't want to but I didn't see any other way for me to get the message out that this was making me sick. I felt I couldn't go to the people who were wearing the stuff, because I couldn't get within 15 feet of them without getting a headache. Even 5 minutes' exposure (at the time) would give me a migraine. I felt I was stuck; I was in tunnel vision mode and couldn't see any other option than the one they gave me. (Read about my illness here).
Management never told me exactly what it was they were going to do. If I'd known, I never would have allowed it.
All I knew was that they were going to have "conversations" with these people. I thought that was a good idea; after all, I couldn't get near them to have those conversations ...and I HATE confrontation.
After a time, I noticed that the people I named were not speaking to me at all. I knew they were probably miffed at me, and that bothered me. However, I didn't know what else I could have done. I was stuck in the mindset that the kind of confrontation I would have to have with them must be face-to-face, and I couldn't do that - physically couldn't. Lately, though, God was working on me, and making me realize that things were not the way they should be between me and these people. Besides, some of them were still wearing perfumed products - even though they might not think they were. I finally approached someone to work out ways to talk to each of these people without putting myself at risk, but I hadn't put any of it into practice yet.
Thursday past, I had to take a file to one of these people. She - brave soul - honestly told me that she was very hurt by the way I handled the whole situation. Then she let me know what she had to go through last summer when I named names. She was called down to the union to have a formal reprimand put on her permanent record. She was told who made the complaint, what it was, and she was not given a chance to defend herself. She was treated as guilty from the get-go. She was totally blindsided.
I felt so very bad. I never intended for the people I trusted, the people who were in leadership and who were supposed to have everyone's best interest at heart, to put anyone into that position.
I apologized profusely for the pain she had to endure, the embarrassment, the trouble I got her into without knowing it. I freely admitted that I handled the whole thing badly. I explained to her where my head was at the time, but I made no excuses for my cowardice. I fully took responsibility for not going to her first - even by email - and trying to work things out.
The whole conversation took 10 minutes. At the end, she felt better, I felt better (sort of) and we understood each other. At least we're talking, which is more than what we were doing before.
That's one less conversation I have to have.
I've got about six more to go. (gulp) I feel like poor George of the Jungle right before his big swing (in the movie with Brendan Fraser). "Biggest swing ever, will hurt very much. But George have to do it! (...whimper....)"
I still don't like the taste of crow. But I know that it keeps me humble, and I have learned so much from every portion.
Even this one (yuck!)
No comments:
Post a Comment