The last part of the equation to which I referred yesterday (relationships with God, myself, and others) is the "others" part.
I spent a lot of time in my life looking after other people to my own detriment. I didn't know what healthy relationships looked like because I never had any to compare with ... and I certainly didn't have a relationship with myself...that would be so selfish ... right?
Wrong.
What I discovered is that it is out of abundance, out of a fulness within, that I could then turn and help other people - knowing where to stop and let them bear the consequences of their own actions - without ending up resenting them for robbing time away from me. It was not without a great deal of trial and error - mostly error - that I came to understand this. Burnout happens very quickly when the tank is dry.
Everyone needs their tank filled. It works best when it's filled continually: when the tap is left on!
Sadly, though, society and even the church tends to focus on the opposite. We want the end result of helping others but we forget that in order to help someone, we first have to be healthy and loved. In a consistent atmosphere of being drained, put-upon, and under-appreciated, many people are giving up, walking away from things - or people - they once held dear. We give too much too soon. We are encouraged to get out there and DO without realizing or being told that in order to DO we first have to BE - to know who we are and to be comfortable in our own skin, to be able to trust that others will come to their own place of health and wholeness - usually without our help.
I like what St. Francis of Assisi said - "Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." He meant that living abundantly precedes everything else - the natural outflow of such a life is an attractive example in case someone wants to emulate it! I can't count the number of times that I've been able to help people in the last year or so after first having my own emotional and relational tank filled.
If it is true that "hurting people hurt people," it is also true that "cared-for people care for people."
I spent a lot of time in my life looking after other people to my own detriment. I didn't know what healthy relationships looked like because I never had any to compare with ... and I certainly didn't have a relationship with myself...that would be so selfish ... right?
Wrong.
What I discovered is that it is out of abundance, out of a fulness within, that I could then turn and help other people - knowing where to stop and let them bear the consequences of their own actions - without ending up resenting them for robbing time away from me. It was not without a great deal of trial and error - mostly error - that I came to understand this. Burnout happens very quickly when the tank is dry.
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| I found this photo in a great article on burnout: http://www.stewardshipoflife.org/2010/11/ burnout-a-cry-sis-of-the-spirit/ |
Sadly, though, society and even the church tends to focus on the opposite. We want the end result of helping others but we forget that in order to help someone, we first have to be healthy and loved. In a consistent atmosphere of being drained, put-upon, and under-appreciated, many people are giving up, walking away from things - or people - they once held dear. We give too much too soon. We are encouraged to get out there and DO without realizing or being told that in order to DO we first have to BE - to know who we are and to be comfortable in our own skin, to be able to trust that others will come to their own place of health and wholeness - usually without our help.
I like what St. Francis of Assisi said - "Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." He meant that living abundantly precedes everything else - the natural outflow of such a life is an attractive example in case someone wants to emulate it! I can't count the number of times that I've been able to help people in the last year or so after first having my own emotional and relational tank filled.
If it is true that "hurting people hurt people," it is also true that "cared-for people care for people."
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