I was talking to someone today on the phone and asked her how she was. And I got the answer I usually get. "Oh, I'm as well as can be expected, under the circumstances." Said with a sigh and a "Martha martyr" tone.
It made me think after I was finished with the conversation.
Do I do that? Do I let people believe that my life is a vale of tears when in actual fact it's quite good, I have my health, restored relationships, and so much more than I deserve?
What's my GQ? What's my gratitude quotient? When people talk to me, do they wish I'd finish what I'm saying and feel relieved when I walk away? or do they smile and say to themselves that it was encouraging to have spoken with me? Do they feel appreciated or used? do they look back on the conversation with a chuckle or a grimace?
It's hard to believe but (Canadian) Thanksgiving is only 2 weeks away.
It's a little odd to me that we would have to be reminded once a year to be grateful for the bounty around us. Yet here we are. We are so wrapped up (pun intended) in all our limitations and circumstances we wished were better, that we forget to be grateful for what we have.
It is my opinion (take it or leave it) that Thanksgiving doesn't happen often enough - not the holiday, just thanksgiving. Not just thankfulness to God for things but ... thankfulness to each other. Someone does something we ask him or her to do: "Thank you!" Someone is really nice and goes above and beyond what was expected. "Thank you!" It's not - - - I was going to say it's not hard. But for some of us, it's not easy!! The mindset is so entrenched that the first thing we look for is what's wrong with this picture, how can it be improved, that we don't see the 99% that IS right with it. And I guess that's where the statement comes from, "I'm as well as can be expected under the circumstances," with that little martyr tone - the one that says, "Pity me, make me feel good about myself. Please."
I used to do that. I desperately wanted other people to make me feel good about myself. Because? I didn't feel good about myself, plain and simple. When I got into recovery and started deepening my relationship with God and establishing a relationship with myself - when I realized that I do have boundaries and so does everyone else - when I started taking inventory and ridding myself of excess baggage... these cravings to be fixed, to be healed, to be comforted - gradually fell off me. The things I say now that make people wish I left ten minutes ago... these are mostly habits of decades from which I am slowly weaning myself.
How's that going? Some days, it's great. Other days - well, about as well as can be expected. (Wink).
It made me think after I was finished with the conversation.
Do I do that? Do I let people believe that my life is a vale of tears when in actual fact it's quite good, I have my health, restored relationships, and so much more than I deserve?
What's my GQ? What's my gratitude quotient? When people talk to me, do they wish I'd finish what I'm saying and feel relieved when I walk away? or do they smile and say to themselves that it was encouraging to have spoken with me? Do they feel appreciated or used? do they look back on the conversation with a chuckle or a grimace?
It's a little odd to me that we would have to be reminded once a year to be grateful for the bounty around us. Yet here we are. We are so wrapped up (pun intended) in all our limitations and circumstances we wished were better, that we forget to be grateful for what we have.
It is my opinion (take it or leave it) that Thanksgiving doesn't happen often enough - not the holiday, just thanksgiving. Not just thankfulness to God for things but ... thankfulness to each other. Someone does something we ask him or her to do: "Thank you!" Someone is really nice and goes above and beyond what was expected. "Thank you!" It's not - - - I was going to say it's not hard. But for some of us, it's not easy!! The mindset is so entrenched that the first thing we look for is what's wrong with this picture, how can it be improved, that we don't see the 99% that IS right with it. And I guess that's where the statement comes from, "I'm as well as can be expected under the circumstances," with that little martyr tone - the one that says, "Pity me, make me feel good about myself. Please."
I used to do that. I desperately wanted other people to make me feel good about myself. Because? I didn't feel good about myself, plain and simple. When I got into recovery and started deepening my relationship with God and establishing a relationship with myself - when I realized that I do have boundaries and so does everyone else - when I started taking inventory and ridding myself of excess baggage... these cravings to be fixed, to be healed, to be comforted - gradually fell off me. The things I say now that make people wish I left ten minutes ago... these are mostly habits of decades from which I am slowly weaning myself.
How's that going? Some days, it's great. Other days - well, about as well as can be expected. (Wink).
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