I got to - really?

Okay - brothers and sisters....

I've always been the type of person that when pressured into some sort of behavior just because I "have to" - no matter how good it is, whether it's exercising or even going to see a very popular movie of which everyone says, "Oh you have just GOT to see this!"  my first reaction inside is - "No.  No I don't." 

And the more I hear that injunction that I have to do it, the less I want to - even if I started out being curious about it or thinking I might MAYbe want to do it.

The "got to's" turn me off. Completely. Even more so lately than before. I guess it's because I've "been there, done that" and now anything that smacks of coercion absolutely repulses me.

Several years back, I read a book by Tommy Tenney called, "The God Chasers".  It's a very good book and I recommend it to Christians who are tired of "playing church".  But I recommend it with a warning.

As I was reading, I looked at the way this church in Dallas, Texas was changed - a group of people who experienced what can only be described as a supernatural flood of the presence of God - so tangible that for months, people in everyday situations, like waiting in grocery store lines, were deeply affected.  Miracles were commonplace when someone who had been touched by this presence was nearby anyone in hospitals, bank lineups, etc.  

Amazing.  

But I made the classic mistake.  I compared their experience to the way our church was - doing the "same old same old" again and again, expecting different results.  Talking about wanting God's presence but never experiencing Him in a life-changing, sustainable way.  And I got very, VERY frustrated with church, church programs, and church people.  Disillusioned.  Angry.  Bitter.

It took me several years and a whole lot of trying over and over and over to try to get people to read their Bibles more, pray more, do more - with nothing to show for it but more frustration because nobody seemed to be "getting it" - before I finally realized what I was doing.  I was trying to manipulate God - manipulate His people - and coerce either Him or them to "get with the program." I was trying to control others - and the fact was that I couldn't even control myself.  The truth was, as I came to understand, that relationship with God is not a "You gotta do this" thing.  

The truth is, I was (and am) completely incapable of living the kind of life that is happy, joyous and free ... on my own efforts.  That's the whole point of the Old Testament - to show us that no matter how much we want to or try to, we cannot follow all the rules; it is humanly impossible to sustain such an externally motivated lifestyle on our own. God invites us to a relationship.  Not a contract.

If my life as a Christian is all about "I got to" then I've missed the whole point and am to be pitied above all people - because "I got to" is a miserable existence filled with slavery to expectations and obligations.  I know - I was there.

Once it stopped being about what people were or were not doing, or what I was doing or not doing, and it became about what God has already done and freely offers - accepting that and being thankful for it - then it started being not so much about an effort to love others as it was an acceptance of His love for me.  It became less about obligation and more about gratitude.  It started being less of a drudge and more of a joy.  

The last thing I need - or anyone needs for that matter - is to feel lambasted by a whole lot of guilt and shame when we go to a place that is dedicated to the worship of God. That kind of stuff (I don't know, maybe some folks get off on that kind of thing) appears to me to be just an exercise in masochism.  It's times like that when I feel like I just want to walk out in disgust.  It appeals to every single control freak out there.  I know because it once appealed to me.  Until I realized that there is no way that I can control myself, other people, or outcomes.  Until I gave up trying to be perfect.

Rather than thinking that "I got to" do anything - how about if we turn it around, realize how much He loves us, and WANT to spend time with Him? Individually? No agendas, no expectation of temporal or eternal reward, no getting all crazed and hyped up. Just Him. Just us.  Just Him and us. In intimate, one-on-one connection.

Then "I got to" (i.e., religion) falls away and drops off.  It's replaced by an inside out thing (i.e., relationship) - and soon becomes an expression of something we look forward to and enjoy: "I get to."