This is ... new

It feels like I've been in this prison forever.
I know I made it myself.... 
I was compelled to cloister myself.  
I needed to be here.
Now, hard as I try, I can't get out.
My whole world is changing. 
Everything is topsy-turvy.
I don't know what end is up, what end is down.

All I know is that I'm not what I was.
I'm changing somehow - into what, I don't know
nor do I know whether I'll even like what I will be.
I'm scared. I can't breathe! did I EVER breathe?
I can't even see out of this place...  
Faded memories of what I was, the feel of my feet on the earth, the taste of the life I once knew - these both attract and repulse me.


One word defines me now: becoming.
Another dark night passes. A new day dawns.
I've only been vaguely aware of the passage of time - 
it seems to have either stopped ... or is passing me by.
I am the one who has stopped.  Or have I?
Changing by millimeters - or is it molecules?


Am I only dreaming?  can I actually distinguish 
light from dark now?
Before, it was only a dark blur, cool at night, 
warm in the day - 
now
it is a dark blur at night and a lighter blur in the day.
Yes, there is light... but what does that mean?
Am I to go back to the way it was?  God, no - 
I couldn't handle that. That wasn't living; it was
existing.
Yet - it's all I know of "out there."
If only I could see what I'm becoming - 
I feel all turned inside out.  I can't ... move.

Yes, there's definitely light out there...
it's brighter by the hour!
But I can't touch it! Why can't I touch it? 

Hold on ... is that a stick in here? it looks sharp!
Hey!  it moved when I tried to get away -
it CAN'T be a leg - legs don't look like that!
... at least, mine don't.
Am I still me?

This is all so confusing -  I need to sleep.

Morning once again.  
I see creatures ... 
they appear to float in mid-air. 
How are they doing that?
I wish I could do that.

Oh great.  An itch.  How can I scratch it in here?
Whoa!  something gave way... what was that?

My world - my bubble - my safe place - 
is broken! 
Grab onto it - hold on!  I'm afraid - so afraid !

There - wow, that was close.  I almost fell.
Whew!
Wait - is that air?   It's cold - gasp!
I can ... breathe!
I feel so weak -  so different - 
so strange. 
I'm wet.  
I never even knew I was wet inside there.
I filled my world, my bubble....
this place feels so big ... 
I so tiny.
Part of me wants to go back but - 
I don't think I would fit somehow. 
I think the bubble shrunk.  Or I grew.
My legs - if those are legs - 
are wobbly, unwieldy.  But - the air smells sweet. 
It never smelled sweet ... ever.


What  ... ARE these things on my back!?  
I can move them
back and forth - they feel so heavy.
I feel heavy.
Keep hanging on...
Back and forth, breathe in, breathe out...
These things are getting easier to move.
They feel less floppy, lighter, stiffer.

All I was doing was 
moving them.
Oo-hoo! 
That last gust of wind almost
lifted me up off this ... this place.

There it goes again!  
the wind, and the things,
the wind-things.
Wings.  I like the sound of that.

I wonder what would happen if I just
keep them out like this and ...
Let Go...

But I can't.   I might fall... 


Move them  ... back and forth, they can go faster -
this time they pulled me up - but there was
no wind.
Okay - deep breath... spread these wing-things out and ...

Let GO!