Monday, January 17, 2011

Setting Boundaries

I've been struggling the last few days to write.  I knew something was bothering me but I couldn't put my finger on it. And last night I couldn't sleep past 5 am. So I prayed about it and realized that I was feeling hemmed in, that there were personal boundaries which were being crossed and I felt that I had little say in what was happening.
So I had to practice some recovery skills and look after myself by setting a boundary, even if only in my own mind and spirit. 
I'm a Christian.  There, I've said it.  I'm a conservative, evangelical, traditional Christian and I'm allowed to believe what I believe without being labeled intolerant, delusional, arrogant or any of those other things associated with the stereotype  most folks have of religious people.
I'm not religious; I just happen to believe the Bible is true.  Every word.  
Because I believe every word, it makes me more accepting, not less - for Jesus Himself hung around those people who were considered the "low-lifes" of His day: prostitutes, alcoholics, tax-collectors, and (yes, even in His day) zealots.  Yet (although He had a great deal to say about hypocrites) He didn't turn away those in the religious community who were seeking the truth either.  
Because I believe every word, I have a definite problem with the idea that the church should espouse the world's value system and accomplish its ends using the world's methods such as promotions, benefit concerts, contests where someone wins a prize for bringing the most people to church, or even the idea that we should get organized and write our members of parliament about some "great moral injustice" or other.  
The founders of the church never tried to effect political or social change.  They just lived and told the message that set them free inside.  They knew that their world was just going to get worse and worse; this was a given.  Their job wasn't to change the world.  It was to be a light in the darkness, shining and pointing the way to the Master.
When a person humbly and honestly asks the God of the universe to reveal Himself in a personal way, He will do so in a way that is tailor-made to the individual who asks.  Some people might start with a concept of Him that is far removed from what He's really like.  I don't really think He cares about that.  What He cares about is bringing that person ... and this might take years ... into a relationship with Him.  Once He does, He never gives up on it.  A change begins on the inside which takes over more and more of the person's character, and manifests from the inside out.
The more intimately that person gets to know Him, the more the God who reveals Himself to him or her will resemble the One who walked in Galilee nearly 2000 years ago. I'm convinced of this.  

7 comments:

  1. WELL SAID!! Amen!
    I am going to link to your blog tonight, hoping you don't mind. I absoloutly agree with and want to share this.

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  2. Good stuff. How does the last 2/3 tie back in to the first part of your post? What boundaries are involved? Is someone trying to make you host a bingo game?

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  3. Thanks folks!
    Julie, go right ahead, I'm honoured; I've been checking out your blog too and my oldest caught me laughing out loud a couple of times at your wit and wonderful attitude.

    Brian... it's just that I caught myself trying to "fit in" with some people who don't share my conservative beliefs, and I felt that these (and it's a habit with me to equate my beliefs with who I am) were threatened. Then I had to realize that just as they have the right to their own opinion, I have the right to my own beliefs and I don't have to apologize for them even if they do differ from someone else's. That doesn't make me intolerant - it makes me ... me.

    And I just have to detach from the idea that I have to fix everyone with whom I come in contact (translation, make them more like me; yikes!) .... or save the world from itself (i.e., people from themselves.) It's not good for me and it's certainly not my function... it's God's. He's a big boy; He can look after Himself.

    In a way I guess I was "preaching" to myself more than to anyone else. :D

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  4. Ok, this may sound really self-centered but I'm wondering if this boundary might be a reaction to my blog post from a few days ago?

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  5. Huh?
    My life in recovery has taken me WAY out of my comfort zone. In many ways this is a good thing; I DID see the world through one keyhole with both eyes, I was that narrow-minded and sheltered. In recovery from codependence, I have learned that a lot of the OPINIONS I held were bigoted toward many different kinds of people. But they were opinions based on my experience and on my fear - fear that by associating with non-church people, even those church-people outside my own denomination, that it would sully the name of Jesus somehow.

    So slowly, I have been learning to embrace those who might have different opinions, to separate what people believe or what people do from the people themselves. It's been a difficult thing for me because I keep expecting to get "beat up" - my beliefs overridden and belittled by people whose lifestyles and opinions I would never espouse (on both sides of the spectrum). It's happened before, and friendships have ended as a result.

    And what I'm learning is that ... it's okay to say no and still be a Christian. It's okay to stand up for myself (ie not be a doormat) and still be a follower of the One who said to turn the other cheek. It's okay to believe what I believe and not feel like I have to be ashamed of or apologize for it. If I hear false teaching - even coming from the pulpit of my own church - I have the right to reject it.

    And at the same time, it's okay to hang around with hurting people, even get labeled as one of them (if people were honest with themselves, they'd admit that everybody hurts) ... it's okay to be real and admit that I don't have all the answers, and it's okay to still believe that God does, and that those answers are in the Book as it is written.

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  6. It's very cool to hear you share your experiences Judy. Thanks!

    I asked because I sent you the link to my blog a few days ago and I didn't get a response (which you are usually so quick to do!) and then this post showed up. It seemed more than coincidental and I was afraid that I had unwittingly offended you.

    I walk a fine line trying to share my experiences and doubts as honestly as possible without offending those I care about or wounding relationships. The truth is, if I wasn't saying these things -sharing them aloud -I wouldn't be in the church at all. Not unlike being in a difficult marriage, I'm trying to bring the issues I'm having to the surface and confront them in the open instead of just breaking up and moving on.

    I hope you understand I am COMPLETELY open to dialogue and I value what you have to share.

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