Heavy on the wisdom

"GOD grant me the 

SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,

COURAGE to change the things I can, and 

WISDOM to know the difference."

Often when saying this prayer with others, I hear at least one person tag on the phrase, "heavy on the wisdom..." at the end.  

I know what they mean.  

Accepting things I cannot change is hard.  It is.  It isn't some 'lay-down-and-let-them-walk-all-over-you' thing.  It means facing some pretty tough stuff.  It means allowing myself to feel things I would rather not feel about my past, to address them and to respond appropriately to them. (Thanks to a friend who pointed this out!)  It means refusing to try to manipulate people with guilt, and it involves letting people I love make choices I don't agree with and letting them bear the responsibility for their own actions.  It's painful.  It requires the peace and serenity that only God can give - which is why the serenity prayer is a prayer and not a to-do list! 

Found through Google Images at:
http://jayyvm12-english10.blogspot.ca/2010/04/courage-doesnt-always-roar.html

Changing things that I can change is hard, too.  And it takes a LOT of courage.  Courage I Just Don't Have - or I wouldn't be asking for it!  

Changing the things I can change doesn't mean I change them by myself ... because I've tried to change things by myself and have ALWAYS landed flat on my face!  It means relying on the Courage God gives to face my fears, look after myself, and sometimes even do the one thing I have always avoided at all cost: confront someone and ask for what I need from him or her.  (It never gets easier, by the way).  It means not compromising my values just to please someone else.  Only God can give that kind of courage.  And sometimes I just need to admit that on certain days, I need to be willing to allow God to give me that courage... knowing that the change will be difficult but that He will be with me. Always.  

But it's knowing the difference between the two that is the kicker.  "Heavy on the wisdom?"  OH yeah.  Knowing when to walk away and when to stand, turn around and fight? That takes a whole pile of wisdom. Knowing what to accept and what's worth the effort to change? Crucial.  And impossible. Left to my own, I'd choose the wrong thing, every time.  

Wisdom doesn't come from me; it comes from God. (Hence the prayer!)  When I rely on my own inner (and fallible) human resources to help me decide between acceptance or change, I have absolutely NO wisdom to do that.   Many times I would rather pull the covers over my head and hide from the bogey-man - and sometimes, to tell you the truth - I still do.  Lately I've been feeling like that nearly 24/7.  

Life is not easy.  At least it isn't for someone who hears those accusing, cruel voices in her head saying she's not worth it, that things will never change, that she may as well give up.  I know these voices don't belong to God - but when I hear them all the time with no let-up, it's challenging to mute them without sinking into despair, and try to hear His voice above the din.  And when I'm overwhelmed - which I frequently am of late - I rid myself of some of the stressors I don't need, and I take the time I need to listen to what is important.

So yes, I've been praying the Serenity prayer a lot lately - either verbally or not - and adding a heart-felt, "Heavy on the wisdom."