Lately there have been a lot of changes in our lives as a family. A new job for one person in the last six months... changes at another person's job that affect nearly every facet of the job ... another person getting ready to re-enter the workforce ... and most recently, the ending of a relationship.
Change is hard.
We like to have things stay the same; it's comfortable, comforting, easy. But often, we need to deal with shifting priorities, changing interpersonal dynamics, death or separation, and the ever-present economic realities.
And everyone's life is changing all at the same time. There's no let-up! It's not like we can say, "Oh last week it was so-and-so's turn to deal with this change in her life, and next week the other fella can start..." No. It just doesn't work like that.
And as hard as it is to deal with change in our own lives, it seems much harder to watch someone we love go through a difficult time and not give in to the temptation to jump in and try to fix it. The hardest part is where to draw the line, where caring ceases and meddling begins, where controlling stops and empathy starts - what "letting go" really looks like when you have someone in front of you who is in tears, who is dealing with a really tough circumstance that is gut-wrenching, heart-breaking.
Yesterday, I was made aware of just such a situation in the life of someone I care about a lot. It's quite an emotional upheaval for her... very difficult to say the least.
I have to fight the urge to jump in and fix it, to take revenge on the person who is most convenient to blame, to impose my own solution on the situation. It has been a challenge to respect the decisions of my loved one, to let her take the lead in finding her own solutions, and to simply make myself available to listen without judging, to let the tears fall and realize that this is part of her own transition, to believe that she will come out stronger and so will our relationship.
But the efforts to strike that balance are starting to bear fruit. We chatted today, briefly. I let her know I support her, that I am there for her. She knows she can talk to me. She knows that I only want her to be happy. She knows that I will support her decisions. She knows that I am a safe place for her to land. It's been hard for her to go through, and hard for me to watch because I care so much about her. But she is learning from all this, and she will apply what she has learned to her life in future.
Best of all, she appreciates that I have learned to let go enough to be able to support her when she needs it. She is in transition. I'm learning that I can help people go through times of transition without taking over and living their lives for them. This has been so very valuable in the last few days.
We're all in transition, at one stage or another. And as hard as it is sometimes, as long as we are honest and take responsibility for ourselves and let others take responsibility for themselves, it'll be all right. We can still let go and respect someone's boundaries while we embrace them and show our support. As obvious as this might sound to some of my readers, it's a revelation to me.
I guess my loved one isn't the only one in transition.
Change is hard.
We like to have things stay the same; it's comfortable, comforting, easy. But often, we need to deal with shifting priorities, changing interpersonal dynamics, death or separation, and the ever-present economic realities.
And everyone's life is changing all at the same time. There's no let-up! It's not like we can say, "Oh last week it was so-and-so's turn to deal with this change in her life, and next week the other fella can start..." No. It just doesn't work like that.
And as hard as it is to deal with change in our own lives, it seems much harder to watch someone we love go through a difficult time and not give in to the temptation to jump in and try to fix it. The hardest part is where to draw the line, where caring ceases and meddling begins, where controlling stops and empathy starts - what "letting go" really looks like when you have someone in front of you who is in tears, who is dealing with a really tough circumstance that is gut-wrenching, heart-breaking.
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| From the website: http://mamahairball.blogspot.ca/2011/09/what-are-you-saying-to-yourself.html |
I have to fight the urge to jump in and fix it, to take revenge on the person who is most convenient to blame, to impose my own solution on the situation. It has been a challenge to respect the decisions of my loved one, to let her take the lead in finding her own solutions, and to simply make myself available to listen without judging, to let the tears fall and realize that this is part of her own transition, to believe that she will come out stronger and so will our relationship.
But the efforts to strike that balance are starting to bear fruit. We chatted today, briefly. I let her know I support her, that I am there for her. She knows she can talk to me. She knows that I only want her to be happy. She knows that I will support her decisions. She knows that I am a safe place for her to land. It's been hard for her to go through, and hard for me to watch because I care so much about her. But she is learning from all this, and she will apply what she has learned to her life in future.
Best of all, she appreciates that I have learned to let go enough to be able to support her when she needs it. She is in transition. I'm learning that I can help people go through times of transition without taking over and living their lives for them. This has been so very valuable in the last few days.
We're all in transition, at one stage or another. And as hard as it is sometimes, as long as we are honest and take responsibility for ourselves and let others take responsibility for themselves, it'll be all right. We can still let go and respect someone's boundaries while we embrace them and show our support. As obvious as this might sound to some of my readers, it's a revelation to me.
I guess my loved one isn't the only one in transition.
...and so we all grow, with God looking over our shoulders and smiling as His kids become more like His Son
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