Tonight I was reminded once again of just how desperate I was when I first started my journey of healing a little over three years ago. Fear was a way of life for me; and fear (when it was cornered) became anger and rage. I wasn't living life; I was surviving it - and quite badly. I was more and more alone, and didn't know how to get free.
As I listened to someone telling her story tonight, and could relate so very much to all those feelings of bewilderment and terror, once again I marveled at just how far God has brought me by following a simple 12-step program of spiritual recovery from what I have called control-freakism and doormat-itis. Today I do have a brand new freedom, and I can have normal and healthy relationships with people ... as equals. The power trips I went on, the power trips I allowed others to take me on - they are relegated to the past. This is such an amazing trip for me. I can hardly believe it's actually me living this.
Part of a reading I turn to quite often goes like this: "No matter how traumatic your past or despairing your present may seem, there is hope for a new day in the twelve steps of Codependents Anonymous. No longer do you need to rely on others as a power greater than yourself. May you instead find here a new strength within to be that which God intended: Precious and Free."
The journey is daunting when seen in its entirety. But thank God, I didn't have to travel that road all at once. I traveled it - and am still traveling it - one step at a time. Every step toward the light takes me one more step farther away from the darkness of panic and being without an anchor. And every step is empowered by the One in charge of this process. He allows me to stop and remember how far He's brought me - to be grateful. And I am.
I don't know what is ahead; I don't need to know. All I need to know is that He cares. And He does.
As I listened to someone telling her story tonight, and could relate so very much to all those feelings of bewilderment and terror, once again I marveled at just how far God has brought me by following a simple 12-step program of spiritual recovery from what I have called control-freakism and doormat-itis. Today I do have a brand new freedom, and I can have normal and healthy relationships with people ... as equals. The power trips I went on, the power trips I allowed others to take me on - they are relegated to the past. This is such an amazing trip for me. I can hardly believe it's actually me living this.
Part of a reading I turn to quite often goes like this: "No matter how traumatic your past or despairing your present may seem, there is hope for a new day in the twelve steps of Codependents Anonymous. No longer do you need to rely on others as a power greater than yourself. May you instead find here a new strength within to be that which God intended: Precious and Free."
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| From the site: http://quesoyvinoconmigo.blogspot.ca/2010/03/out-of-darkness-into-light.html |
I don't know what is ahead; I don't need to know. All I need to know is that He cares. And He does.
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