It seems like it should be a contradiction in terms. Yet holidays and celebrations (whether holy days or birthdays or weddings or anniversaries or graduations) are rife with stress because - well, because they involve people in close proximity to each other.
Who hasn't been disappointed or had a holiday of some sort ruined by an argument or another's attitude of ungratefulness or resentment? I think we all can think of at least one. Some people can't think of a time when there HASN'T been strife wrecking what is "supposed" to be quality time with family and/or friends.
Why do we put ourselves through this anyway? is it to hear the "oohs" and "ahhs" of those at the family dinner table when the main course is served?
Unfortunately, that's the only reason why some do it, because special gatherings are always preceded by shouting, tears and/or slamming doors. There's a proverb that says, "Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting - and conflict." (Prov. 17: 1 - NLT)
That kind of atmosphere, in spite of the luscious food to which everyone looks forward, is nothing but a sham.
For many years now, we've had four family feasts a year: Easter, Canadian Thanksgiving, American Thanksgiving, and Christmas. But we don't usually have them on the day most others do. We've simplified over the years to push Easter turkey (or ham) dinner to Easter Monday, same with Canadian Thanksgiving - because there is so much else happening on the Sunday. This is so that the stress of preparing the feast is the only stress of the day, and we don't have to squeeze a whole bunch of other things into our schedule. It's so much more relaxing that way.
It doesn't mean there aren't arguments - but lately they have been fewer. A large part of that has been that both hubby and I have been on journeys of healing in our own lives, and we are more comfortable talking about our feelings and why it is we feel that way. The kids are starting to catch on to that as well.
Like last night. I had planned to make lemon meringue pie for Easter dinner dessert, and was dreading making the pies because of two things: the mess it creates and the lack of room in the fridge to keep the pies fresh and cool until the time came to eat them. Daughter #2 came in to the living room when I was watching a show (it was 10 minutes from the end), and wanted to make the pies together. I didn't feel like it. She pushed; I resisted.
Yes - words were exchanged and someone ran down the hall and cried for a while. So ... it's not perfect. But afterward, instead of the silent treatment for 2 days, we talked. I said what I needed in order to feel comfortable with doing some cooking with her. She and her boyfriend cleaned the fridge, tidied the counter, and then she and I made the pies together. It wasn't the best possible way to handle the request - but it was a start. And the conflict was all resolved in the space of 30 minutes.
We even had a good time - and appreciated each other for the help given and received. And this morning, she sneaked a piece of the pie (not really - I saw her and she knew I saw her) ... and she loved it!
And yes, I am looking forward to our holiday meal!
Why do we put ourselves through this anyway? is it to hear the "oohs" and "ahhs" of those at the family dinner table when the main course is served?
Unfortunately, that's the only reason why some do it, because special gatherings are always preceded by shouting, tears and/or slamming doors. There's a proverb that says, "Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting - and conflict." (Prov. 17: 1 - NLT)
That kind of atmosphere, in spite of the luscious food to which everyone looks forward, is nothing but a sham.
For many years now, we've had four family feasts a year: Easter, Canadian Thanksgiving, American Thanksgiving, and Christmas. But we don't usually have them on the day most others do. We've simplified over the years to push Easter turkey (or ham) dinner to Easter Monday, same with Canadian Thanksgiving - because there is so much else happening on the Sunday. This is so that the stress of preparing the feast is the only stress of the day, and we don't have to squeeze a whole bunch of other things into our schedule. It's so much more relaxing that way.
It doesn't mean there aren't arguments - but lately they have been fewer. A large part of that has been that both hubby and I have been on journeys of healing in our own lives, and we are more comfortable talking about our feelings and why it is we feel that way. The kids are starting to catch on to that as well.
Like last night. I had planned to make lemon meringue pie for Easter dinner dessert, and was dreading making the pies because of two things: the mess it creates and the lack of room in the fridge to keep the pies fresh and cool until the time came to eat them. Daughter #2 came in to the living room when I was watching a show (it was 10 minutes from the end), and wanted to make the pies together. I didn't feel like it. She pushed; I resisted.
We even had a good time - and appreciated each other for the help given and received. And this morning, she sneaked a piece of the pie (not really - I saw her and she knew I saw her) ... and she loved it!
And yes, I am looking forward to our holiday meal!
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