Your Love Broke Through

I was reminded today by a friend that shedding the false beliefs of a lifetime is a painful process.

Receiving love - when one thinks it is undeserved or was never there to start with - hurts.

So I wrote my friend.  (I write - I kinda do that.)  I think that what I said applies to so many people.  I've been there and I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with those feelings of inferiority, of worthlessness, of guilt and shame.  All based on false beliefs I learned from how I was treated as a child.  So what I shared with my friend I now share with you.

Walls - started by others and continued by the self to protect that vulnerable, wounded part of ourselves - become so comfortable after awhile. Occasionally we go up to the wall and wonder what's on the other side but ... we don't dwell there because to get to the other side seems so impossible. The bricks are made of our pain, our flesh. They harden in the dryness of lovelessness forced upon us, stinging comments we take into our hearts like nettles over years and years.

When we give our will and our lives to the care of God, He takes us at our word and brings His care - His love - into that place. He starts to deconstruct those walls and as painful as they were to build - when they begin to crack it does hurt and it feels like it's our heart that is breaking. But it isn't. It's only the shell.

The hurting is part of the process. Opening our hearts to the love He brings is unaccustomed; we can feel awkward believing that He would choose to - want to - spend time with us. The miracle is that He does. And the more we believe it, the more the hurt is transformed into a sweet ache: one that we would not trade for ANYTHING.