Sunday, February 27, 2011

I remember...

It's been so cold lately.

My mind wanders to warmer seasons often.  Sometimes I catch myself doing it and ask myself what's really going on - what I really want.  I did earlier today.  

Today when I caught myself meandering around my own mind, I asked myself what it was I would like to have, what it is I thought I needed.

The answer came back to me in the form of a memory from a couple of years ago or so.  Hubby and I were visiting friends so close to us that they call us brother and sister.  We were in their little house in a small village in southeastern New Brunswick.  It was not summer - it was about March or so.  There was a definite chill to the air outside; the wind was howling and it was threatening some sort of precipitation.

And then our hosts lit a fire in their wood stove / fireplace.  Within minutes the room was bathed in a warm, orange glow that soaked into our weary spirits and sparked conversation and laughter.  Someone served a warm drink of tea.  We leaned back in our chairs, luxuriated in the atmosphere of love and acceptance we knew there.  And the heat - lovely wood-stove heat - penetrated into places we didn't even know were chilly.  We relaxed.

For hours we enjoyed the warmth of the fire and of each other's company.  Reluctantly, we toddled off to bed to get some sleep.  And when we awoke the following morning, someone had made another fire in the grate, and the floor was toasty warm and inviting to our socked feet.

Then I realized what it was I have been wanting the last few weeks.  Warmth.  Acceptance.  Heat.  

I'm so tired of winter - not just the season but also the winter of how cold, judgmental, and harsh people can be without even realizing it.  

So what I have been doing is allowing my mind to rest on the times when that coldness is overcome by the warmth of gentleness, mercy, and love.  I've been reminding myself of how faithful God has been to me in the past, how He has brought me through so very much and from that, I can have faith to believe that He will continue to silently plan for me in love - because it matters to Him about me (to paraphrase an old saying). "All that I have seen," wrote R.W. Emerson, "leads me to trust my Creator for all that I have not seen."

When things get really tough - and they do get tough - I can be grateful that He is with me. That He is in charge of this whole process and that someday, I will be able to use what I am going through now, to help someone else who may have lost hope that things will ever change.  So - although I am human and I want the suffering and the confusion to stop, I understand that He may want to use that to accomplish something wonderful in the life of someone else who needs it.


In the meantime, I remember - and I remind myself to look after the most important thing: relationship with Him. 

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