Frustrated with another's spiritual struggle one night, a struggle to accept what I considered to be basic, foundational belief in a good and loving God, I turned to him and said, "Look. You either believe... or you don't. It's as simple as that." God was good to me and allowed what I said to penetrate just the right spot in that person's life. It could just as easily have been a detriment. I wasn't acting in a very righteous way when I said it. I was tired. I wanted this person to just "get it." To quit challenging my belief system by having beliefs that weren't like mine. Yes, God was gracious - to both of us.
My own words have come back to haunt me again and again, though. For if I am brutally honest with myself, I face the same struggles in my everyday life. I have a choice to believe or not believe that God is good. And while my lips give assent to His goodness and His loving care for me, my actions sometimes say anything but that.
I'm still faced with that same choice - to believe or not to believe in practical terms, not just in what I say or what the standard party line is. It's the difference between saying that I know a chair will hold me and not break - and actually sitting in it.
There's an old southern gospel song written in 1963 by the LeFevres ... and done by the Gaither Vocal Band, called "Without Him."
The song says (in part), "Without Him, I could do nothing; without Him, I'd surely fail - without Him I would be drifting like a ship without a sail. Without Him, I would be dying; without Him I'd be enslaved - without Him life would be worthless, but with Jesus, thank God I'm saved!"
A large part of me wants to believe that I have some sort of control over my own self-destructive tendencies. But the truth is, I don't. Every day I must make the same decision - to face this or that situation with Him or without Him, to believe that He is with me or not.
When I decide to try to do things on my own, I end up adrift and at the mercy of the raging surf. Every time. When I (on the other hand) turn my life, my desires, my everything over to God even if I don't understand why, He takes those very same circumstances and allows me to see above them, to ride them, and He gets me where He wants me to go. Sometimes that leads through paths I would never have chosen, circumstances that are decidedly uncomfortable, even painful for me. But in the end, I come out into a better place spiritually, with connections and friendships made that I would never have dreamed possible.
I don't know why He would be so very patient with my wanderings, with my compulsive need to test those same things (His goodness, and His love) over and over again. But I am so very grateful.
My own words have come back to haunt me again and again, though. For if I am brutally honest with myself, I face the same struggles in my everyday life. I have a choice to believe or not believe that God is good. And while my lips give assent to His goodness and His loving care for me, my actions sometimes say anything but that.
I'm still faced with that same choice - to believe or not to believe in practical terms, not just in what I say or what the standard party line is. It's the difference between saying that I know a chair will hold me and not break - and actually sitting in it.
There's an old southern gospel song written in 1963 by the LeFevres ... and done by the Gaither Vocal Band, called "Without Him."
The song says (in part), "Without Him, I could do nothing; without Him, I'd surely fail - without Him I would be drifting like a ship without a sail. Without Him, I would be dying; without Him I'd be enslaved - without Him life would be worthless, but with Jesus, thank God I'm saved!"
A large part of me wants to believe that I have some sort of control over my own self-destructive tendencies. But the truth is, I don't. Every day I must make the same decision - to face this or that situation with Him or without Him, to believe that He is with me or not.
When I decide to try to do things on my own, I end up adrift and at the mercy of the raging surf. Every time. When I (on the other hand) turn my life, my desires, my everything over to God even if I don't understand why, He takes those very same circumstances and allows me to see above them, to ride them, and He gets me where He wants me to go. Sometimes that leads through paths I would never have chosen, circumstances that are decidedly uncomfortable, even painful for me. But in the end, I come out into a better place spiritually, with connections and friendships made that I would never have dreamed possible.
I don't know why He would be so very patient with my wanderings, with my compulsive need to test those same things (His goodness, and His love) over and over again. But I am so very grateful.
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