My weariness quotient is up and my tolerance quotient is down. I'm stressed, pressed, and depressed. Sometimes - not always - all I want to do is give out, give in, give up. I'm so exhausted by the relentlessness of life, circumstances, the constant barrage of the attacks slung my way by the enemy of my soul.
At such times, my spirit takes so much of this and then cries out in desperation to the only One who can help. "God, help! Can You just hold me for a while? I'm not asking You to change anything unless You think it's best for me. I just need You to hold me and let me rest my tired mind in Your arms...."
He loves that. I get to rest in His love for a while. I need that - SO much. There's a part of scripture that says that God will "rejoice over you with joy. He will rest in His love; He will joy over you with singing." Singing over His child. Like a lullaby. Those times strengthen the bond between us and remind me that He's so much stronger, so faithful, so patient and kind. My heart sings this song to Him on a regular basis. I know that everything that I wished my own parents to be (but they weren't), everything I looked to other people to provide, everything I need, He is - and more.
Relationship with Him transforms me inside. It nurtures the child in me, the one who constantly needs reassurance, who needs to be reminded that she is loved, accepted, cared for, cherished. From the strength of that comes the impetus to love myself, to accept myself as I am - and to grow. And it overflows into my relationships with others.
I have tried to do that in my own strength, being told that I "should" love, that I "should" be selfless - and it's been an abysmal failure. (See my series on Shoulds and Oughtas which I did this past summer.) How much better to just rest in His love for me! Then, because His love is so infinite, there will be an abundant supply for everyone with whom I come in contact ... including myself.
Fantastic blog, I have felt similarly many times. I have been held, loved, strengthened and reborn by my Father God.
ReplyDeleteThe blessings he bestows are beyond my imagination and now that I'm listening and watching for them they are so much easier to see and hear. God doesn't have shout quite so much.
My faith in myself may not be huge but my faith in my God to take my will and use it to his purpose is solid.
Someone I respect a lot said lately, "Great faith in a weak plank will lead to disaster, yet even weak faith in a strong plank will get me safely across. The important thing is not the size of the faith, but the quality of the object of that faith." As long as the sole object of faith is God (after all, He is pretty exclusive about that), then one is on solid footing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment!