It's been an interesting couple of days. An opportunity arose a week ago, right in the middle of my interpersonal saga at the office (see previous posts). This opportunity allowed me to apply for a temporary "acting" position for the summer months.
I spent all weekend working on my application, making sure all my T's were crossed and my I's dotted. And yesterday, I sent in my application; with no exaggeration, I must have read it through, edited it, added to it, and compared it against what was required three dozen times in the space of those six days. I contacted people for references, and alerted them they might get a call before the end of the week.
Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work, I heard the still small voice of God probing my consciousness about this process. "So. How do you feel about all this? How would you feel if you got the position?"
I checked inside. "Scared. Excited of course, but scared... I guess that's kind of a good thing..."
I could feel Him smiling. "And? how would you feel if you DIDN'T get it?"
This one kind of surprised me. But I searched my feelings and discovered that although I'd be disappointed not to win, it wouldn't be devastating for me - and I wouldn't resent or be jealous of whoever DID get it. My response told me once more that I had grown in the last three years.
When I got to work, I got the last of my "ducks" lined up, put a few tweaks into the application, read it through five or six more times and breathed a prayer. "Your will, God. Your will." And I sent the application.
There have been times - many times - when there has been a huge question mark about something I wanted or something that might or might not happen. In the past, I would stress and worry, and not let it go until I knew the answer. I'd not sleep, and I'd fret and stew about it, and eye suspiciously anyone whom I might see as my "competition."
But with this - and I hope this is the beginning of a new normal - the fact that the answer is (so to speak) "up in the air" doesn't make me lose any sleep. I'm perfectly fine with whatever happens.
Go figure.
I spent all weekend working on my application, making sure all my T's were crossed and my I's dotted. And yesterday, I sent in my application; with no exaggeration, I must have read it through, edited it, added to it, and compared it against what was required three dozen times in the space of those six days. I contacted people for references, and alerted them they might get a call before the end of the week.
 |
| Here's where I found this photo |
Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work, I heard the still small voice of God probing my consciousness about this process. "So. How do you feel about all this? How would you feel if you got the position?"
I checked inside. "Scared. Excited of course, but scared... I guess that's kind of a good thing..."
I could feel Him smiling. "And? how would you feel if you DIDN'T get it?"
This one kind of surprised me. But I searched my feelings and discovered that although I'd be disappointed not to win, it wouldn't be devastating for me - and I wouldn't resent or be jealous of whoever DID get it. My response told me once more that I had grown in the last three years.
When I got to work, I got the last of my "ducks" lined up, put a few tweaks into the application, read it through five or six more times and breathed a prayer. "Your will, God. Your will." And I sent the application.
There have been times - many times - when there has been a huge question mark about something I wanted or something that might or might not happen. In the past, I would stress and worry, and not let it go until I knew the answer. I'd not sleep, and I'd fret and stew about it, and eye suspiciously anyone whom I might see as my "competition."
But with this - and I hope this is the beginning of a new normal - the fact that the answer is (so to speak) "up in the air" doesn't make me lose any sleep. I'm perfectly fine with whatever happens.
Go figure.
No comments:
Post a Comment