Slipping into depression is a scary thing. You don't even know you're there. You don't recognize the signs; you don't even know you've slipped down the slope... and that thorns have sprung up behind you to bar the way back.
First there's a same-ness that creeps into the everyday. Life becomes monotonous. You hesitate to try new things, meet new people. You start thinking that frustration is an acceptable thing - that everybody has to put up with a certain amount. The demands of others (family, friends, perhaps your church or your employer) wear at you. You forget (in looking after their needs) to take care of your own needs. You feel guilty for not being grateful for obvious blessings. But the unhappiness won't quit. You begin to think that your feelings don't matter ... when those same feelings are screaming at you to pay attention to them. And down the slope you go... faster and faster until finally you're going so fast that you are not sure how to stop - how to get back. It's terrifying.
The feelings - when you allow yourself to feel them - the sadness, the panic, the loneliness, the anxiety, the anger, the shame ... are overwhelming. So you shut them off - put them out of your mind. Then your body gets in on the act. It gets the message from your feelings and reacts with physical symptoms: upset stomach, muscle aches, joint aches, insomnia, bone-weariness, susceptibility to viruses, and lethargy - a body at rest wanting so badly to stay at rest! Life becomes a struggle: just to get up and get dressed in the morning takes a major effort. At some point, you wake up and are disappointed that you woke up. You dread every moment of the upcoming day. Everyone else always seems so happy, so chipper, while you are irritable and easily hurt. People actually DO start to leave you alone. You take it as abandonment, perhaps even persecution. You believe you're defective. You believe that you've grown a giant "kick me" sign on your back... and that people are taking advantage of it. You wonder if life will ever be better. You wonder if anybody even notices how unhappy you are... and the thought of life always being like this is enough to make you wonder if your family, if the world even, might be better off without you.
That is a horrible place to live.
The first step out of that dark place is realizing you're there. It sounds really over-simplified but it's true. Knowing that what you're going through is not okay is the first step in dealing with it.
Depending on how severe and/or long-lasting it is, medication may be required, but it's usually the last resort. There are other things that you can do to climb the thorny path back to a more balanced life.
Step one is to simplify your life as much as possible. It sounds trite, but "No" is a useful word - a good word. Saying "no" to the non-essentials leaves you with the energy to deal with the stuff that matters. Delegate tasks that others could just as easily do if you need to.
Then, either physically or mentally make a wish list. Figure out what you want, what's the most important thing to you? then the next important and so forth. Of those things, you are the best one to determine whether you can do something to help yourself, or whether you need to ask for help, or whether you need to put in on the "back burner" for now.
Talk to someone you trust; tell that person that you don't need them to fix anything unless you ask them to fix it. If there is someone to whom you can talk honestly about how you feel without fearing judgment or condemnation, DO it. And when you do, you might want to consider asking for help in a few areas that you need help to change, if they can.
Tell yourself (whether you believe it or not) that you are worth spending a little time on. And then act on it. If a member of your family was feeling the way you are, you'd move heaven and earth to help them feel better; you'd treat them to lunch or supper, maybe a hairstyle or a massage. Why not you? If you have to schedule some time, carve it out of your busy schedule, to look after yourself, it's worth it - you will never regret it.
Go for a 20-minute walk, "just because." De-stress. Do something you enjoy doing. Listen to music, go horseback riding, call up a friend and plan some fun time at the movies, read a good book, go golfing, or listen to a CD or watch a DVD that makes you remember that life can be good. It's okay to pamper yourself.
And remember that it took a while for you to get into this state of affairs. It might take a while to get back. But you will get back.
I wrote this post to encourage people who are suffering from this horrible and debilitating state known as depression. What I didn't count on was that I ended up giving a pep talk to myself. And strengthening my resolve to look after the important things. Starting with me.
First there's a same-ness that creeps into the everyday. Life becomes monotonous. You hesitate to try new things, meet new people. You start thinking that frustration is an acceptable thing - that everybody has to put up with a certain amount. The demands of others (family, friends, perhaps your church or your employer) wear at you. You forget (in looking after their needs) to take care of your own needs. You feel guilty for not being grateful for obvious blessings. But the unhappiness won't quit. You begin to think that your feelings don't matter ... when those same feelings are screaming at you to pay attention to them. And down the slope you go... faster and faster until finally you're going so fast that you are not sure how to stop - how to get back. It's terrifying.
The feelings - when you allow yourself to feel them - the sadness, the panic, the loneliness, the anxiety, the anger, the shame ... are overwhelming. So you shut them off - put them out of your mind. Then your body gets in on the act. It gets the message from your feelings and reacts with physical symptoms: upset stomach, muscle aches, joint aches, insomnia, bone-weariness, susceptibility to viruses, and lethargy - a body at rest wanting so badly to stay at rest! Life becomes a struggle: just to get up and get dressed in the morning takes a major effort. At some point, you wake up and are disappointed that you woke up. You dread every moment of the upcoming day. Everyone else always seems so happy, so chipper, while you are irritable and easily hurt. People actually DO start to leave you alone. You take it as abandonment, perhaps even persecution. You believe you're defective. You believe that you've grown a giant "kick me" sign on your back... and that people are taking advantage of it. You wonder if life will ever be better. You wonder if anybody even notices how unhappy you are... and the thought of life always being like this is enough to make you wonder if your family, if the world even, might be better off without you.
That is a horrible place to live.
Depending on how severe and/or long-lasting it is, medication may be required, but it's usually the last resort. There are other things that you can do to climb the thorny path back to a more balanced life.
Then, either physically or mentally make a wish list. Figure out what you want, what's the most important thing to you? then the next important and so forth. Of those things, you are the best one to determine whether you can do something to help yourself, or whether you need to ask for help, or whether you need to put in on the "back burner" for now.
Talk to someone you trust; tell that person that you don't need them to fix anything unless you ask them to fix it. If there is someone to whom you can talk honestly about how you feel without fearing judgment or condemnation, DO it. And when you do, you might want to consider asking for help in a few areas that you need help to change, if they can.
Tell yourself (whether you believe it or not) that you are worth spending a little time on. And then act on it. If a member of your family was feeling the way you are, you'd move heaven and earth to help them feel better; you'd treat them to lunch or supper, maybe a hairstyle or a massage. Why not you? If you have to schedule some time, carve it out of your busy schedule, to look after yourself, it's worth it - you will never regret it.
Go for a 20-minute walk, "just because." De-stress. Do something you enjoy doing. Listen to music, go horseback riding, call up a friend and plan some fun time at the movies, read a good book, go golfing, or listen to a CD or watch a DVD that makes you remember that life can be good. It's okay to pamper yourself.
And remember that it took a while for you to get into this state of affairs. It might take a while to get back. But you will get back.
I wrote this post to encourage people who are suffering from this horrible and debilitating state known as depression. What I didn't count on was that I ended up giving a pep talk to myself. And strengthening my resolve to look after the important things. Starting with me.
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