Yesterday, as a
result of some things I mentioned in my previous post, and after a discussion with a trusted colleague who suggested what to do next, I made an
appointment with someone at work who potentially had the power to help me, and I let
this woman know my concerns, and asked some questions, and ... yes.
Yes, I cried.
She was wonderful. In the course of our one-hour conversation, she allayed many of my fears, corrected some false perceptions I had regarding the individual I believed was targeting me, and gave me the freedom I needed to concentrate on looking after myself for the next couple of months.
Most of all, she assured me that I was a valued member of the team, that my work was extremely good, and that she and the leadership team had a lot of confidence in my abilities not only in my job but also as a potential leader myself. She stressed that now it was time to take care of Judy. (Fresh wave of tears...) She and I worked out a plan to do just that, to take the pressure off as much as possible and still allow me to do my job - just a different facet of it for a while. She authorized the use of a particular type of leave that usually requires a week's notice... so for today and tomorrow I don't have to go to work. When I return on Monday, I will know what is waiting for me on my desk and I won't need to be afraid or concerned that someone is going to be "in my face" with anything.
The
ball of lead in my stomach has lightened ... somewhat. At first, it
was hard to believe that the cause of the stress was gone, just like
that, I'd been carrying it for so long. Even now, I have to remind
myself to 'breathe' and 'unclench.' It takes a while for the body to
let go, apparently. But last night, for the first time in weeks, I took
the first deep breath that wasn't a brace-yourself-for-what's-coming
kind of thing. And it felt so unusual that I did it again, just to feel
that oh-so-that's-what-relaxing-feels-like sensation.
Breathe. Unclench. Let go, let God.
The tension is draining slowly away... there are still health issues that I need to look after, but in large part, my life-balance is returning to normal. Who knows? in a few months, I might look back and think that this might have been the best thing to have happened.
That's usually the way of it.
She was wonderful. In the course of our one-hour conversation, she allayed many of my fears, corrected some false perceptions I had regarding the individual I believed was targeting me, and gave me the freedom I needed to concentrate on looking after myself for the next couple of months.
Most of all, she assured me that I was a valued member of the team, that my work was extremely good, and that she and the leadership team had a lot of confidence in my abilities not only in my job but also as a potential leader myself. She stressed that now it was time to take care of Judy. (Fresh wave of tears...) She and I worked out a plan to do just that, to take the pressure off as much as possible and still allow me to do my job - just a different facet of it for a while. She authorized the use of a particular type of leave that usually requires a week's notice... so for today and tomorrow I don't have to go to work. When I return on Monday, I will know what is waiting for me on my desk and I won't need to be afraid or concerned that someone is going to be "in my face" with anything.
Breathe. Unclench. Let go, let God.
The tension is draining slowly away... there are still health issues that I need to look after, but in large part, my life-balance is returning to normal. Who knows? in a few months, I might look back and think that this might have been the best thing to have happened.
That's usually the way of it.
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