Friday, May 4, 2012

Soaking in love

The last day or so, I've been focusing on looking after myself, doing what I need to do in order to nourish my spiritual life, taking care of my mind and my body and especially my emotions.  

This morning I had the choice to go on the morning trip to take our daughter to work and to run errands with my husband. Normally I would go without question ... but today I decided to stay home.  I needed some quiet time just to myself.  

As I sat here, the silence - broken only by the gentle breathing of sleeping creatures and the quiet tick, tick, tick of the battery-operated clock - was like a soothing balm.  I could feel my muscles relaxing, hear the sound of my own breathing, and let God love me.  

Yeah I know, I know. God loves me all the time - but often, I don't make myself stop and experience it, take notice of it, remind myself of it.  When I don't remind myself, and I don't take time to intentionally soak in His love, I start to droop spiritually.

From the website:
Just like my peace lily, which I keep at my office.  

Sometimes when I go to work, my peace lily is limp.  It means she has run out of water and needs it ... badly.  Peace lilies need a LOT of water compared to other plants like ivies.  Yet all it takes is a good dousing of clear (preferably room-temperature) water and she will slowly soak in that moisture and her leaves will perk up.  If she has blooms, they'll stand up straight too.  But it's not immediate.  It takes a few hours for the roots to be nourished enough to allow the excess water to travel to the leaves and blooms.  I get that; I was seriously dehydrated once, about 20 years ago - close to organ failure in fact.  They had to search really hard to find a vein since they were collapsing; I was nearly past caring at that point - yet scared enough to realize how important it was ... not only for me but for my unborn child ... that they find a functioning vein! Thankfully they did find one (or I would not be here to tell about it!) - it took them ten minutes of poking around. But re-hydration was even slower.  It took five days of IV fluids to get me to the place where I was even able to take soft foods. 

That's a scary place to be, spiritually as well as physically.  And this is where I was emotionally even as little as two days ago.  I am blessed to have been able to recognize that dragging myself around for weeks and not having the energy to do anything without exhausting myself, and not wanting to interact with anyone, even my family, were all warning signs of an internal drooping that had gotten so bad that I needed external help to start to look after myself.  And I am doubly blessed that I got the help and support I needed to start that process.  So I am deliberately "soaking in love": being nourished from the roots on up, and working out ways to incorporate self-care into my daily routine, not to let everyone else's needs and opinions take priority over my own.  

The best thing is ... that lovingly working on my behalf, I have the best gardener EVER.

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