This evening I was talking to someone who had just found out second-hand about something he should have been told two months ago when it happened. Yet people kept that information from him, fearing he would be upset. "We were scared of just such a reaction," the person told him when he angrily confronted one of the conspirators.
Truth, even if it is hard to accept and might not be well received, is still better than withholding it only to have the person find out, and then feel that he or she wasn't considered worthy of the truth to start with. That's the thing about lying. It speaks of a deep and abiding mistrust of the person being lied to.
People lie - about a great many things - and call it all manner of things. I know. I've done it. I can't promise I will never do it again. And the justifications abound....
Sparing the person's feelings.
Bending the truth.
Protecting. (Protecting whom??)
The greater good.
The lesser of two evils.
Withholding information.
White lies.
Fibbing.
Joking.
Even more damaging are the lies we tell ourselves about either our own behavior or someone else's.
He didn't mean it.
She's not really like that.
I'm not controlling. I'm concerned.
I'm not manipulating. I'm just pointing out the facts.
I'm not playing the victim. I AM one.
When we start telling the truth, to ourselves first and then to others, it is no guarantee that we'll never be hurt. Truth does hurt sometimes. But it is more damaging to lie - or to be lied to - than to live in an atmosphere of honesty.
Withholding the truth from someone just because we are uncomfortable with confrontation does a disservice to both parties. It leaves us with a fear of being found out - and trust me, it WILL be found out - and it leaves the other person with a deep and abiding sense of betrayal. Betrayal is inviting the spectre of death into a relationship. It takes a very long time to recover from it. Some never recover. Never.
Telling someone a hard truth should never bring us pleasure. I say again, if we take secret delight in telling someone some truth that will make them sad, or hurt, or uncomfortable, or angry, then we are not operating in love, and we will be held accountable. Yet on the other hand, the fear of negative repercussions from someone that loves us or whom we love is not reason enough to lie to that person.
Relationships are messy. Life - and truth - is sometimes hard.
We owe it to each other to be lovingly and graciously honest.
Truth, even if it is hard to accept and might not be well received, is still better than withholding it only to have the person find out, and then feel that he or she wasn't considered worthy of the truth to start with. That's the thing about lying. It speaks of a deep and abiding mistrust of the person being lied to.
Sparing the person's feelings.
Bending the truth.
Protecting. (Protecting whom??)
The greater good.
The lesser of two evils.
Withholding information.
White lies.
Fibbing.
Joking.
Even more damaging are the lies we tell ourselves about either our own behavior or someone else's.
He didn't mean it.
She's not really like that.
I'm not controlling. I'm concerned.
I'm not manipulating. I'm just pointing out the facts.
I'm not playing the victim. I AM one.
When we start telling the truth, to ourselves first and then to others, it is no guarantee that we'll never be hurt. Truth does hurt sometimes. But it is more damaging to lie - or to be lied to - than to live in an atmosphere of honesty.
Withholding the truth from someone just because we are uncomfortable with confrontation does a disservice to both parties. It leaves us with a fear of being found out - and trust me, it WILL be found out - and it leaves the other person with a deep and abiding sense of betrayal. Betrayal is inviting the spectre of death into a relationship. It takes a very long time to recover from it. Some never recover. Never.
Telling someone a hard truth should never bring us pleasure. I say again, if we take secret delight in telling someone some truth that will make them sad, or hurt, or uncomfortable, or angry, then we are not operating in love, and we will be held accountable. Yet on the other hand, the fear of negative repercussions from someone that loves us or whom we love is not reason enough to lie to that person.
Relationships are messy. Life - and truth - is sometimes hard.
We owe it to each other to be lovingly and graciously honest.
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