I've been working some overtime to help pay for the upcoming tuition bills. My employer has me doing quick and easy files during the day, but after I switch to overtime, only one kind of file will do because we're running behind on those kind. Some of them are quite involved and difficult. I don't want to say I've been spoiled - but you do get used to a certain rhythm and when it's changed, well, it can really make you think.
Another thing it can do is make you appreciate the times when you're NOT working overtime!! Like tonight. I only put in an hour tonight instead of two or more. That way it was still light outside when I got home, and I was able to sit and blog for what feels like the first time this week.
I like to write - - and I get to write for my employer, but this is different. This ... is me. It's what I love to do. It's an outlet, kind of cathartic. My thoughts run free and I am able to think important things, wonder about stuff, be grateful for the little everyday mercies that come my way.
How many people work overtime on the things that don't really matter in the end? Amassing toys, clothes, cars, jewelry, ... whatever. Everyone has an addiction of some sort. I know one person whose addiction is having a spotless house. Every little thing has to be in place or this person believes the whole house is a "mess." I know people who are addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, (ouch) ... sports. I even know people who are addicted to conferences and retreats. (Whoa Judy, slow down, you're getting too close to home...) And I know several people who are addicted - to people. They can't get through a day without talking to at least 5 people - at length. (Oh, their bosses really LOOOOVE them... not!!)
Then there are the internal addictions. Thinking up ways to manipulate people into doing what you want. Wondering what people are thinking about you - or if they're even thinking about you at all. Worrying about the future. Beating yourself up over the past. Feeling guilty for not doing enough. Am I touching someone's spirit here?
The point is - there is an answer for all addiction. I stumbled on it when I was trying to help my husband recover from his alcoholism... by going to a counselor. He had the gall to give me something to read that implied that I mySELF might be in need of recovery!! But he was right. I needed to recover from those very self-same internal addictions I just mentioned.
Those who know me best will tell you that I'm not the same person I was even two years ago, that I've changed for the better. My husband and kids will sure tell you. Many of the things I said were "personality traits" and I excused by saying, "I can't help it; it's just the way I am," weren't really my personality traits, but behaviors I put on to survive the pain I had experienced at the hands of others, things other people had "put on me" - just like people wrapped Lazarus up after he had died - to keep him from moving, to keep him manageable. Those attitudes, those internal addictions, were my grave clothes. They were the trappings of death. Even after Jesus brought me to life, I spent my life hopping around in my grave clothes, thinking I was living. I needed someone to come alongside me and help me off with those smelly rags, filled with the stench of decay. I'm so glad that someone did just that.
I am living proof that anyone can be unwrapped.
All it takes is a willing heart to fully abandon oneself to a lifestyle of rigorous honesty.
Another thing it can do is make you appreciate the times when you're NOT working overtime!! Like tonight. I only put in an hour tonight instead of two or more. That way it was still light outside when I got home, and I was able to sit and blog for what feels like the first time this week.
I like to write - - and I get to write for my employer, but this is different. This ... is me. It's what I love to do. It's an outlet, kind of cathartic. My thoughts run free and I am able to think important things, wonder about stuff, be grateful for the little everyday mercies that come my way.
How many people work overtime on the things that don't really matter in the end? Amassing toys, clothes, cars, jewelry, ... whatever. Everyone has an addiction of some sort. I know one person whose addiction is having a spotless house. Every little thing has to be in place or this person believes the whole house is a "mess." I know people who are addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, (ouch) ... sports. I even know people who are addicted to conferences and retreats. (Whoa Judy, slow down, you're getting too close to home...) And I know several people who are addicted - to people. They can't get through a day without talking to at least 5 people - at length. (Oh, their bosses really LOOOOVE them... not!!)
Then there are the internal addictions. Thinking up ways to manipulate people into doing what you want. Wondering what people are thinking about you - or if they're even thinking about you at all. Worrying about the future. Beating yourself up over the past. Feeling guilty for not doing enough. Am I touching someone's spirit here?
The point is - there is an answer for all addiction. I stumbled on it when I was trying to help my husband recover from his alcoholism... by going to a counselor. He had the gall to give me something to read that implied that I mySELF might be in need of recovery!! But he was right. I needed to recover from those very self-same internal addictions I just mentioned.
Those who know me best will tell you that I'm not the same person I was even two years ago, that I've changed for the better. My husband and kids will sure tell you. Many of the things I said were "personality traits" and I excused by saying, "I can't help it; it's just the way I am," weren't really my personality traits, but behaviors I put on to survive the pain I had experienced at the hands of others, things other people had "put on me" - just like people wrapped Lazarus up after he had died - to keep him from moving, to keep him manageable. Those attitudes, those internal addictions, were my grave clothes. They were the trappings of death. Even after Jesus brought me to life, I spent my life hopping around in my grave clothes, thinking I was living. I needed someone to come alongside me and help me off with those smelly rags, filled with the stench of decay. I'm so glad that someone did just that.
I am living proof that anyone can be unwrapped.
All it takes is a willing heart to fully abandon oneself to a lifestyle of rigorous honesty.
I'm reading a book called "Graceful Simplicity" and it really has me thinking about how complicated we make life -too much WORK so that we can amass all this STUFF when really we'd be much happier if we worked less and had less stuff. It's much deeper than that, but that is the gist of it. Your post reminded me of the book!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Little M.
ReplyDeleteThe bumper sticker that really got me going a few years back was the one that said, "Whoever has the most toys when he dies, wins." There's much more to life than just STUFF. Addictions push people away and keep their victims in denial. The internal addictions I have are subtle - but I'm determined never to live like that again.
And it all happens 24 hours at a time. Maximum.
God's grace is more than enough to live life that way.