"You're putting me on."
No, I'm putting me on.
Some time ago, I heard someone make a required phone call to another person. The tone was friendly, open, sincere, and would have put the other person completely at ease. The caller obtained the required information easily, effortlessly. I would have thought that they were old friends.
What the other person didn't hear, though, was the tone of voice and the choice of words that came out of the caller's mouth as soon as the call ended and both parties hung up. It conveyed disgust and contempt for the person who'd been at the other end.
I can't say anything in judgment. I've done it - lots of times. Sometimes we have to talk to people whose company we don't particularly care for - and we have to be civil to these people, for the sake of politeness or social norms. Especially in situations like a businessman talking to a potential client, or a sales clerk talking to a customer. There's a mask of civility that we wear when we need to. We put it on - and when we're done, we take it off as soon as possible and confirm to ourselves that we didn't enjoy the experience. I'm not so sure that it's wrong. But I am sure that it's human.
But when the other person is consistently crossing a boundary, belittling us or using us, it's time to take off that mask of geniality and let the other person know that he or she has crossed the line.
For me, that's the time when, instead of putting a mask on, it's time to put ME on. The real me.
I've discovered something as I do this. The more I put me on, the less I want to put on the mask. I like the me that I'm becoming - and I don't want to be the doormat, the pushover I used to be, the one who strove for the least amount of splash upon entry, the one who hated making waves, the one who just wanted to disappear. Putting on the mask becomes a distasteful task.
Sometimes putting on that facade is necessary. Sometimes. But a repeated pattern of that kind of behavior can make me practiced in hypocrisy - I can so easily 'put it on' and 'take it off.' It kind of scares - and almost sickens - me. That's one reason I hesitate to engage in it. I'd far rather be totally honest.
When it bothers me the most is when I am in a situation where I believe that I am in a safe place - and all of a sudden I realize that I'm not - and that I need to put 'em on - let 'em think I'm behaving the way "they" want me to - so I can get away unscathed, unjudged. Whoever "they" are. Someone who calls himself my friend, for example. Or perhaps at church. Maybe even when visiting family. Or at work.
What a joy to realize when I really AM in a safe place, with trustworthy people, people who accept me for who I am and who don't judge. There are a few such people in my life. I appreciate their friendship - and their company - SO much!
When I first started this new way of living and came across the expression, "rigorous honesty"... I thought that it meant with others. It does - to a point. But what I've come to understand is that it refers primarily to relationship with God, and with myself. If I can't be truthful with myself, and with my Maker, I am SUNK. The fact that I sometimes don't share EVERY little thing with someone else tells me that I'm learning who is trustworthy and who is not. I can trust those that are trustworthy. It's okay NOT to trust those that aren't, and learning who isn't trustworthy can only be done by trial and error.
LOTS of error.
Of course, I try my best not to lie, even to those that I don't necessarily trust with my feelings. I will answer truthfully, but ... briefly. I've learned not to elaborate and give people ammunition to use against me later, even if they think that it's 'helping' by sharing something I've said in confidence.
And I SO look forward to the times when I spend time with people I trust, so that I can put ME on.
No, I'm putting me on.
Some time ago, I heard someone make a required phone call to another person. The tone was friendly, open, sincere, and would have put the other person completely at ease. The caller obtained the required information easily, effortlessly. I would have thought that they were old friends.
What the other person didn't hear, though, was the tone of voice and the choice of words that came out of the caller's mouth as soon as the call ended and both parties hung up. It conveyed disgust and contempt for the person who'd been at the other end.
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| Here's where I got this photo |
I can't say anything in judgment. I've done it - lots of times. Sometimes we have to talk to people whose company we don't particularly care for - and we have to be civil to these people, for the sake of politeness or social norms. Especially in situations like a businessman talking to a potential client, or a sales clerk talking to a customer. There's a mask of civility that we wear when we need to. We put it on - and when we're done, we take it off as soon as possible and confirm to ourselves that we didn't enjoy the experience. I'm not so sure that it's wrong. But I am sure that it's human.
But when the other person is consistently crossing a boundary, belittling us or using us, it's time to take off that mask of geniality and let the other person know that he or she has crossed the line.
For me, that's the time when, instead of putting a mask on, it's time to put ME on. The real me.
I've discovered something as I do this. The more I put me on, the less I want to put on the mask. I like the me that I'm becoming - and I don't want to be the doormat, the pushover I used to be, the one who strove for the least amount of splash upon entry, the one who hated making waves, the one who just wanted to disappear. Putting on the mask becomes a distasteful task.
Sometimes putting on that facade is necessary. Sometimes. But a repeated pattern of that kind of behavior can make me practiced in hypocrisy - I can so easily 'put it on' and 'take it off.' It kind of scares - and almost sickens - me. That's one reason I hesitate to engage in it. I'd far rather be totally honest.
When it bothers me the most is when I am in a situation where I believe that I am in a safe place - and all of a sudden I realize that I'm not - and that I need to put 'em on - let 'em think I'm behaving the way "they" want me to - so I can get away unscathed, unjudged. Whoever "they" are. Someone who calls himself my friend, for example. Or perhaps at church. Maybe even when visiting family. Or at work.
What a joy to realize when I really AM in a safe place, with trustworthy people, people who accept me for who I am and who don't judge. There are a few such people in my life. I appreciate their friendship - and their company - SO much!
When I first started this new way of living and came across the expression, "rigorous honesty"... I thought that it meant with others. It does - to a point. But what I've come to understand is that it refers primarily to relationship with God, and with myself. If I can't be truthful with myself, and with my Maker, I am SUNK. The fact that I sometimes don't share EVERY little thing with someone else tells me that I'm learning who is trustworthy and who is not. I can trust those that are trustworthy. It's okay NOT to trust those that aren't, and learning who isn't trustworthy can only be done by trial and error.
LOTS of error.
Of course, I try my best not to lie, even to those that I don't necessarily trust with my feelings. I will answer truthfully, but ... briefly. I've learned not to elaborate and give people ammunition to use against me later, even if they think that it's 'helping' by sharing something I've said in confidence.
And I SO look forward to the times when I spend time with people I trust, so that I can put ME on.
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