Over the last few days, I've been trying to convince my husband and best friend of something that is really hard for him to accept.
The lawn tractor our youngest daughter gave him last summer (she gave him the money and he got one second-hand) has been having more and more problems, and he came to the conclusion that it needed replacing.
The fact that she gave it to him, and the experience of using it, made him realize how much he enjoyed and preferred using a ride-on as opposed to a push mower. He saw the need to replace it, but....
But he started looking for another second-hand one! So, I've been suggesting to him the last few days that he needs to get a NEW tractor, one that hasn't deteriorated with use, one with a warranty. He looked at the price of the new ones and quailed at the thought of spending that much money - even for the low-end tractors, the cost is anywhere between $1,000 and $1,300. He thought it was too much. He still does. Since his birthday is in a couple of months, I offered to pay a good bit of the cost so that he could get a new one -- but only if he got a brand new one, not used.
He still hesitated.
During our discussions, I put my finger on the real reason why he hesitates to spend that much money on a new machine. "It's because you don't think you deserve to have anything nice. Isn't it."
It was more a statement than a question. Reluctantly, he agreed that this was true. "Well, you DO deserve it. You'd say that I deserved it if I wanted something nice. Why is it so hard for you to grant yourself the same courtesy?"
Tonight we went to a nearby store and purchased a new Poulan 17.5 HP, six-speed (42" cutting deck) lawn tractor. It will be delivered within a few days.
And he feels guilty.
We talked a little about that feeling. It is very hard, after spending your whole life believing that you are worth nothing and that you deserve nothing, to begin to say to yourself, "I matter. What I want matters. My dreams, my wishes, ... they matter. I am worth spending time with; I am worth spending money on."
But it is essential to say these things to ourselves if we are to have a balanced view of our place in the world, of our importance - neither lording it over others nor cow-towing to them. We owe it to ourselves to take care of ourselves, to celebrate life, to savour the small pleasures and accept them as from God's hand. We need to give ourselves permission to enjoy life.
Try it. Say it to yourself. "I matter." Say it until you start to believe it. And keep saying it.
The lawn tractor our youngest daughter gave him last summer (she gave him the money and he got one second-hand) has been having more and more problems, and he came to the conclusion that it needed replacing.
The fact that she gave it to him, and the experience of using it, made him realize how much he enjoyed and preferred using a ride-on as opposed to a push mower. He saw the need to replace it, but....
But he started looking for another second-hand one! So, I've been suggesting to him the last few days that he needs to get a NEW tractor, one that hasn't deteriorated with use, one with a warranty. He looked at the price of the new ones and quailed at the thought of spending that much money - even for the low-end tractors, the cost is anywhere between $1,000 and $1,300. He thought it was too much. He still does. Since his birthday is in a couple of months, I offered to pay a good bit of the cost so that he could get a new one -- but only if he got a brand new one, not used.
He still hesitated.
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| Got this pic of the NEW tractor we are getting soon, at this site |
It was more a statement than a question. Reluctantly, he agreed that this was true. "Well, you DO deserve it. You'd say that I deserved it if I wanted something nice. Why is it so hard for you to grant yourself the same courtesy?"
Tonight we went to a nearby store and purchased a new Poulan 17.5 HP, six-speed (42" cutting deck) lawn tractor. It will be delivered within a few days.
And he feels guilty.
We talked a little about that feeling. It is very hard, after spending your whole life believing that you are worth nothing and that you deserve nothing, to begin to say to yourself, "I matter. What I want matters. My dreams, my wishes, ... they matter. I am worth spending time with; I am worth spending money on."
But it is essential to say these things to ourselves if we are to have a balanced view of our place in the world, of our importance - neither lording it over others nor cow-towing to them. We owe it to ourselves to take care of ourselves, to celebrate life, to savour the small pleasures and accept them as from God's hand. We need to give ourselves permission to enjoy life.
Try it. Say it to yourself. "I matter." Say it until you start to believe it. And keep saying it.
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