Hurting people do hurt people.
Sometimes they mean to. Sometimes they intend to inflict harm to make themselves feel better. Not often... but sometimes.
Sometimes they don't mean to. They live their lives, they do what they do. And their choices hurt us. It happens.
Sometimes they try not to hurt us, because they know what it feels like to be hurt, and they don't want that for us. And in trying not to... in hiding the truth from us ... they hurt us MORE than if they'd been honest. Especially if they profess to love us.
What happens when people hurt us, for whatever reason? How do we handle it?
I know I don't handle it stoically. I don't like being hurt. But I've learned that it's okay to say that I've been hurt if that's how I feel, no matter how difficult it is. And it IS difficult. every. time.
There was a time when I would "stuff it" down inside of me - hide my feelings and not show it if my sanity depended on it. Trouble is, it did. I drove myself deep into depression and spiraling into confusion by holding it in, year after year. It got so I didn't know how I felt anymore; everything was such a jumble of baggage from stuff I held in years ago, mixed with guilt and shame. When I learned that it was more important to feel what I felt WHEN I felt it, for my own emotional health, I started to get in touch with what I was feeling, and didn't allow things to build up to explosive force. Expressing things instead of holding back - within reason, of course - allowed me to discharge psychological energy in safe ways rather than overreacting after getting all pent-up.
Allowing myself to express emotions validates what I feel - and helps me get to forgiveness faster. It just does. Forgiveness is a process and it starts with acknowledging that a wrong has been committed - whether intentionally or not - and knowing that it is okay to be upset when dealing with it.
There are many more stages in that process, but a healthy start is knowing that it's okay to feel hurt. There need be no shame in it. We wouldn't blame ourselves for feeling pain when physically hurt; why would we blame ourselves when someone hurts us emotionally?
Fact is, getting hurt by others is probably going to happen a lot more than I'd like. But at least I have the tools now to deal with it.
Sometimes they mean to. Sometimes they intend to inflict harm to make themselves feel better. Not often... but sometimes.
Sometimes they don't mean to. They live their lives, they do what they do. And their choices hurt us. It happens.
Sometimes they try not to hurt us, because they know what it feels like to be hurt, and they don't want that for us. And in trying not to... in hiding the truth from us ... they hurt us MORE than if they'd been honest. Especially if they profess to love us.
What happens when people hurt us, for whatever reason? How do we handle it?
I know I don't handle it stoically. I don't like being hurt. But I've learned that it's okay to say that I've been hurt if that's how I feel, no matter how difficult it is. And it IS difficult. every. time.
There was a time when I would "stuff it" down inside of me - hide my feelings and not show it if my sanity depended on it. Trouble is, it did. I drove myself deep into depression and spiraling into confusion by holding it in, year after year. It got so I didn't know how I felt anymore; everything was such a jumble of baggage from stuff I held in years ago, mixed with guilt and shame. When I learned that it was more important to feel what I felt WHEN I felt it, for my own emotional health, I started to get in touch with what I was feeling, and didn't allow things to build up to explosive force. Expressing things instead of holding back - within reason, of course - allowed me to discharge psychological energy in safe ways rather than overreacting after getting all pent-up.
Allowing myself to express emotions validates what I feel - and helps me get to forgiveness faster. It just does. Forgiveness is a process and it starts with acknowledging that a wrong has been committed - whether intentionally or not - and knowing that it is okay to be upset when dealing with it.
There are many more stages in that process, but a healthy start is knowing that it's okay to feel hurt. There need be no shame in it. We wouldn't blame ourselves for feeling pain when physically hurt; why would we blame ourselves when someone hurts us emotionally?
Fact is, getting hurt by others is probably going to happen a lot more than I'd like. But at least I have the tools now to deal with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment