A friend of mine is going through an intense period of testing right now. Sometimes it feels like the world is closing in on her. Circumstances seem to pile up and threaten to destroy her, destroy her faith. Yet she holds on - even if sometimes it is by her fingernails.
The circumstances don't really matter. It could be a sickness, a family situation, grief, loss, the fall-out of someone else's addiction, a financial need, or just a whole lot of fiery little daggers of doubt like fire-ants swarming in and threatening to destroy everything.
What matters is the feelings. She needed to understand that the feelings she is having are normal for what she is going through, and that sometimes people who have never been through this kind of trial have no clue how hard it is, how distressing it is. There's no frame of reference; it's like Marie Antoinette being told that the people had no bread and saying, "Let them eat cake." Obviously to her, everyone had both bread and cake in the pantry, so if they ran out of one, just eat the other ... right? Wrong.
So it is with someone who has never experienced it - whatever "it" is. Some of the responses my friend has been getting from people ... show that they have no clue what she's going through, even though they might think they do.
However, I went through something quite similar to her situation several years ago. And I was able to tell her some stories from that period in my life and share with her how God met me in my hour of need and became my rock, my protector, my provider. How I expected Him to work in one way - and so did a whole bunch of people - but God didn't do it that way at all. He chose another route. And I believe - now - that part of the reason He chose that path for me was so that I could sit across the table from her today, in full acceptance of her and of her situation, and share with her my experience, to strengthen her and give her hope that God would come through for her as well. And I could show her by example that the only thing she can count on is that God will act and work miracles in a way that she never will have dreamed or expected.
No judgment. No condemnation. No advice. That's the thing about experience; it humbles the one who's gone through it, made her realize that it's okay to not be perfect, that the feelings are valid, that the crisis is real - and that people need compassion, acceptance, and love above all.
The story I told her came back to me as I told it - as if I was going through it again, vivid and real - and it reminded me of all those feelings I had back then and how overwhelming they were, how difficult they were to go through especially because of the people around me at the time who (just like her own current nay-sayers) gave me pat answers and brushoffs when my circumstances and my feelings didn't fit into their preconceived notion of the way life should work. And God brought me through it and proved Himself strong - so strong - day after day after day. There is something so powerful in that kind of story. There is absolutely no arguing with it. It can't be done. When people try to dismiss or explain away what happened, my response is simply, "I was THERE."
I've heard people argue doctrine, philosophy, belief, theories ... but nobody can refute experience. And experience shared ... lends strength to the one who needs it until that person can stand on her own ... because at that point she too will have the benefit of her own experience. Then she can pass it on to the next person as the opportunity arises, and give them strength. And it will give them hope - which isn't the uncertain thing people think it is, but rather a confidence, an assurance, a peace that things will work out all right in the end, and if it's not all right yet, it's not the end.
That's the way life works. We need God - AND we need each other.
That's pretty cool.
The circumstances don't really matter. It could be a sickness, a family situation, grief, loss, the fall-out of someone else's addiction, a financial need, or just a whole lot of fiery little daggers of doubt like fire-ants swarming in and threatening to destroy everything.
What matters is the feelings. She needed to understand that the feelings she is having are normal for what she is going through, and that sometimes people who have never been through this kind of trial have no clue how hard it is, how distressing it is. There's no frame of reference; it's like Marie Antoinette being told that the people had no bread and saying, "Let them eat cake." Obviously to her, everyone had both bread and cake in the pantry, so if they ran out of one, just eat the other ... right? Wrong.
So it is with someone who has never experienced it - whatever "it" is. Some of the responses my friend has been getting from people ... show that they have no clue what she's going through, even though they might think they do.
However, I went through something quite similar to her situation several years ago. And I was able to tell her some stories from that period in my life and share with her how God met me in my hour of need and became my rock, my protector, my provider. How I expected Him to work in one way - and so did a whole bunch of people - but God didn't do it that way at all. He chose another route. And I believe - now - that part of the reason He chose that path for me was so that I could sit across the table from her today, in full acceptance of her and of her situation, and share with her my experience, to strengthen her and give her hope that God would come through for her as well. And I could show her by example that the only thing she can count on is that God will act and work miracles in a way that she never will have dreamed or expected.
No judgment. No condemnation. No advice. That's the thing about experience; it humbles the one who's gone through it, made her realize that it's okay to not be perfect, that the feelings are valid, that the crisis is real - and that people need compassion, acceptance, and love above all.
The story I told her came back to me as I told it - as if I was going through it again, vivid and real - and it reminded me of all those feelings I had back then and how overwhelming they were, how difficult they were to go through especially because of the people around me at the time who (just like her own current nay-sayers) gave me pat answers and brushoffs when my circumstances and my feelings didn't fit into their preconceived notion of the way life should work. And God brought me through it and proved Himself strong - so strong - day after day after day. There is something so powerful in that kind of story. There is absolutely no arguing with it. It can't be done. When people try to dismiss or explain away what happened, my response is simply, "I was THERE."
I've heard people argue doctrine, philosophy, belief, theories ... but nobody can refute experience. And experience shared ... lends strength to the one who needs it until that person can stand on her own ... because at that point she too will have the benefit of her own experience. Then she can pass it on to the next person as the opportunity arises, and give them strength. And it will give them hope - which isn't the uncertain thing people think it is, but rather a confidence, an assurance, a peace that things will work out all right in the end, and if it's not all right yet, it's not the end.
That's the way life works. We need God - AND we need each other.
That's pretty cool.
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