The past few months have been marked by transition. Our oldest daughter, now making her own money and able to pay her own bills, decided to have her room renovated. She picked out new flooring, new furniture, new paint.
Her room has been undergoing a slow transformation in the last two months. Dark paint replaced by a much lighter shade. Carpet - two layers as we found out (and the one underneath was um, psychedelic seventies pink paisley!) - removed. Floor squeaks repaired with screws. Dressers removed, one temporarily, one permanently, and clothes weeded out. There have been multiple trips to the dump or to the place to which we donate gently worn clothing. All this time she has been sleeping on the sofa!
The process is taking a lot longer than we envisioned. I've heard that this is always the case when doing anything that involves building or creating something (rather than demolishing or tearing down.) There is always the unexpected turn of events. Things rarely go according to plan. Like the flooring that was supposed to be installed today. The installer got here but there was a problem with the flooring. So ... it's back to the store later today to pick out the right kind, and set up another date to install. More delays.
There's something about living in a state of flux that is a little unsettling for someone (like me) who likes stability, security, in the physical/ material as well as in the spiritual or emotional realm. I think that this is probably the hardest thing to get used to, in my new lifestyle. Things are constantly changing - needing to be readjusted, rethought, approached differently than the way I used to approach them.
Being "a work in progress" is not a comfortable or secure feeling for me. Yet I have been assured that the process of recovery / healing is never truly "finished." I've been known to comment that it would be nice to be able to point at something specific and say, "There! That's fixed!" What I'm learning, however, is that different things get better at different rates, and often healing of one thing I REALLY want to be better, has to wait until I deal with something else more foundational - just like our renovations have to wait until we get the right materials.
One thing's certain. We learn from our mistakes. The down side of that is that there are SO many to make! For someone who's always aimed at perfection, that's difficult to handle. Things aren't going to change and I can't make them change; I need to be the one who changes. I love the "codependent's Serenity Prayer" which goes, "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the people I can't change, Courage to change the person I can, and Wisdom to know it's me."
When I don't expect myself to be perfect but just to become better than I was before, that's when I can make peace with being "under construction."
Her room has been undergoing a slow transformation in the last two months. Dark paint replaced by a much lighter shade. Carpet - two layers as we found out (and the one underneath was um, psychedelic seventies pink paisley!) - removed. Floor squeaks repaired with screws. Dressers removed, one temporarily, one permanently, and clothes weeded out. There have been multiple trips to the dump or to the place to which we donate gently worn clothing. All this time she has been sleeping on the sofa!
The process is taking a lot longer than we envisioned. I've heard that this is always the case when doing anything that involves building or creating something (rather than demolishing or tearing down.) There is always the unexpected turn of events. Things rarely go according to plan. Like the flooring that was supposed to be installed today. The installer got here but there was a problem with the flooring. So ... it's back to the store later today to pick out the right kind, and set up another date to install. More delays.
There's something about living in a state of flux that is a little unsettling for someone (like me) who likes stability, security, in the physical/ material as well as in the spiritual or emotional realm. I think that this is probably the hardest thing to get used to, in my new lifestyle. Things are constantly changing - needing to be readjusted, rethought, approached differently than the way I used to approach them.
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| Waiting for the right stuff... |
One thing's certain. We learn from our mistakes. The down side of that is that there are SO many to make! For someone who's always aimed at perfection, that's difficult to handle. Things aren't going to change and I can't make them change; I need to be the one who changes. I love the "codependent's Serenity Prayer" which goes, "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the people I can't change, Courage to change the person I can, and Wisdom to know it's me."
When I don't expect myself to be perfect but just to become better than I was before, that's when I can make peace with being "under construction."
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