Today I had another reminder of how gradual and almost imperceptible growth is.
I'd been fretting about an upcoming event for weeks, because I knew it would place me in a situation which - all my life - I would avoid like the plague because it MIGHT be construed by someone (anyone, it doesn't matter who!) as confrontational. And I hate confrontation. There was a lot of preparation that went into it, and I got some really cool strategies for coping with the stress of the situation from someone who was way more seasoned a presenter than I am.
Well, today was the day. And the event happened. And not only did I not sit there like a bump on a log afraid to say anything, I spoke up. And I held my own. And I wasn't afraid. Yes, I stumbled over some of my words, but you know what? the world didn't cave in on me when I struggled to express myself.
And - truth be told - the whole thing went pretty well.
Surprise! (Well, nobody there was more surprised than I was at how much I said and how calm I was!) I thought afterward (about myself and my performance today), "Who was that person? and how can I get to know her?"
But I reminded myself that I entered this new realm, took this new endeavor upon myself in order to "stretch" me. Indeed, I discovered how much I had already been "stretched" by growing in my own recovery and getting comfortable inside my own skin the last few years - without even knowing it!!
It's been in increments - in millimeters - and at times it's felt so slow, almost glacial. But it's been happening nonetheless. And it's days like today that show me just how far I've come in what (in hindsight) has been such a short time compared to the "before" picture of uncertainty, insecurity, fear, and anxiety - which took decades to create. The change boggles my mind.
Calm. Confidence. Compassion. Courage.
The inner climate is warming. The glacier is moving.
I'd been fretting about an upcoming event for weeks, because I knew it would place me in a situation which - all my life - I would avoid like the plague because it MIGHT be construed by someone (anyone, it doesn't matter who!) as confrontational. And I hate confrontation. There was a lot of preparation that went into it, and I got some really cool strategies for coping with the stress of the situation from someone who was way more seasoned a presenter than I am.
Well, today was the day. And the event happened. And not only did I not sit there like a bump on a log afraid to say anything, I spoke up. And I held my own. And I wasn't afraid. Yes, I stumbled over some of my words, but you know what? the world didn't cave in on me when I struggled to express myself.
And - truth be told - the whole thing went pretty well.
Surprise! (Well, nobody there was more surprised than I was at how much I said and how calm I was!) I thought afterward (about myself and my performance today), "Who was that person? and how can I get to know her?"
It's been in increments - in millimeters - and at times it's felt so slow, almost glacial. But it's been happening nonetheless. And it's days like today that show me just how far I've come in what (in hindsight) has been such a short time compared to the "before" picture of uncertainty, insecurity, fear, and anxiety - which took decades to create. The change boggles my mind.
Calm. Confidence. Compassion. Courage.
The inner climate is warming. The glacier is moving.
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