I grew up hearing the following story. I don't know if it's true, but it could have happened.
It appears that there was this one fellow who used to stand up and pray these long, complaining-type prayers every Wednesday night at one church's prayer meeting. Every week, the faithful parishoners would have to endure this long tirade. Some would roll their eyes when he started up, others would bow their heads and shake them slowly. Still others would keep checking their watches. But he would press on, unaware of - or not caring about - the reactions of those in the room. He would drone on interminably, and would always end his prayer with this sentence: "... and OH Lord, would You please clear the cobwebs out of my life? Amen." And then he'd sit down.
This went on for years. The same prayer, the same intonation, the same final request. Nothing changed. One Wednesday night, one soft-spoken old woman who had listened to him every week for years without comment, finally stood to her feet after he finished his prayer one evening with (as usual), "... and OH Lord, would You please clear the cobwebs out of my life? Amen...." Immediately she blurted out with all the pent-up frustration of ten years, "OH Lord, please kill that awful spider!"
I remember praying blanket prayers when I was younger - things like that old man's "cobweb prayer." It was never anything specific - just this nebulous sense that I'd done wrong and that God could make it right. Which He could - and did - every time. But the effects were short-lived. They always came back... cobweb after cobweb. Time after time.
But when someone suggested to me that after asking God to take care of my life, I take pen in hand and make a fearless and searching moral inventory of myself - in specifics - that was when I started to understand the reasons why. The spider was still alive and well and churning out web! It needed to be exposed and disposed of... not just the by-products of its presence but the actual center of it. Like the gentleman in the prayer meeting, I had only been focusing on the symptoms, the results of it.
As I continued that inventory - which was exhaustive and took MONTHS and not minutes - I came to realize that the root of all of those things was not this one or that one who hurt me... or this or that event that happened... or this or that organization that didn't meet my needs.
The problem was me. I was the one making all the cobwebs.
I was the spider.
It wasn't the devil using me. He SO didn't need my help. It was me - all by myself - making bad choices and suffering the consequences of those choices. But as I - out of desperation to be free - brought these things out into the light and exposed them for what they were, something very strange started to happen. The cobwebs started to dissolve and fall away.
Some took longer than others. Some were immediate; others? I'm still aware of their presence in my life. But I know that it's me - MY choices, MY selfishness, MY pride, MY fear, MY obsessions fueling that critter. The less fuel I give her, the less web she can make. And the thing is, there is absolutely no way that I can do that by relying on my own will power. But I know that God can and will give me the strength if I ask Him. I am learning to pray, "God, I offer myself to You, to build with me and do with me what You want. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness (to those I want to help) of Your power, Your love, and Your way of life. May I do what You want ... always!"
The spider isn't dead yet, not by a long shot. But it's spinning a little less web.
It appears that there was this one fellow who used to stand up and pray these long, complaining-type prayers every Wednesday night at one church's prayer meeting. Every week, the faithful parishoners would have to endure this long tirade. Some would roll their eyes when he started up, others would bow their heads and shake them slowly. Still others would keep checking their watches. But he would press on, unaware of - or not caring about - the reactions of those in the room. He would drone on interminably, and would always end his prayer with this sentence: "... and OH Lord, would You please clear the cobwebs out of my life? Amen." And then he'd sit down.
This went on for years. The same prayer, the same intonation, the same final request. Nothing changed. One Wednesday night, one soft-spoken old woman who had listened to him every week for years without comment, finally stood to her feet after he finished his prayer one evening with (as usual), "... and OH Lord, would You please clear the cobwebs out of my life? Amen...." Immediately she blurted out with all the pent-up frustration of ten years, "OH Lord, please kill that awful spider!"
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| Source (via Google Images): http://www.freeimageslive.co.uk/free_stock_image/spiderweb4051jpg |
But when someone suggested to me that after asking God to take care of my life, I take pen in hand and make a fearless and searching moral inventory of myself - in specifics - that was when I started to understand the reasons why. The spider was still alive and well and churning out web! It needed to be exposed and disposed of... not just the by-products of its presence but the actual center of it. Like the gentleman in the prayer meeting, I had only been focusing on the symptoms, the results of it.
As I continued that inventory - which was exhaustive and took MONTHS and not minutes - I came to realize that the root of all of those things was not this one or that one who hurt me... or this or that event that happened... or this or that organization that didn't meet my needs.
The problem was me. I was the one making all the cobwebs.
I was the spider.
It wasn't the devil using me. He SO didn't need my help. It was me - all by myself - making bad choices and suffering the consequences of those choices. But as I - out of desperation to be free - brought these things out into the light and exposed them for what they were, something very strange started to happen. The cobwebs started to dissolve and fall away.
Some took longer than others. Some were immediate; others? I'm still aware of their presence in my life. But I know that it's me - MY choices, MY selfishness, MY pride, MY fear, MY obsessions fueling that critter. The less fuel I give her, the less web she can make. And the thing is, there is absolutely no way that I can do that by relying on my own will power. But I know that God can and will give me the strength if I ask Him. I am learning to pray, "God, I offer myself to You, to build with me and do with me what You want. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness (to those I want to help) of Your power, Your love, and Your way of life. May I do what You want ... always!"
The spider isn't dead yet, not by a long shot. But it's spinning a little less web.
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