Thursday, February 2, 2012

To the Care of God

Step three of any 12-step program you can name says, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God ..." 

In fact, all the "steps" are about beginning and developing a relationship with God.  They are a blueprint for living life as He directs.  

I wanted to mention that today, because I have heard of 12-step programs being mistakenly called "self-help" programs.  Those who refer to such programs as "self-help" in nature really do NOT understand the basis on which these programs are founded.  God is at the centre of them, God is all the way through them, and God is the One who empowers the weary traveler to do them.  I know.  I'm one of those travelers - and I thank God for that.  

I've often been known to say in the last couple of years, that everyone in the world (or at least in Western society) needs a twelve-step program - without exception.  The longer I am with people "in recovery", the more I realize that this is true.  Those 12 steps that are so mocked in some circles, are the ONLY way to recover from any addiction: from alcohol to codependency to selfishness.  Some in the church have used them without even realizing it (whether instantaneously or not); others deliberately embark upon them and have found an intimate, daily relationship with God in the process.  

Honesty, Openness and Willingness are the only requirements needed.  They are the "HOW" of the program. 

When I got to step three, part of which is quoted above, it was tempting to gloss over it. Been there, done that.  (Oh really?)  I was encouraged to go through the words in the step carefully.  Was there any one that stuck out for me?  And then it hit me.  The word "CARE."  To give my will and my life over to the CARE of God. Was that the real way that I saw God?  did I see Him as caring about me?  or did I believe Him to be uncaring, unfeeling, unconcerned with my life? I had to admit that much of the way I related to God was based on the latter and not the former.  Oh I knew the doctrines - I could spout them as well as the next evangelical believer.  But in practicalities - in the everyday - my behavior didn't line up with what I said I believed.  And that's because there's a difference between the kind of belief that's a "hope-so" and the kind that's a "know-so".   

I spent all my life in the church.  But my relationship with God was stilted and my conversations with Him were fraught with shame, doubt and fear.  And then, after life had beaten me down and I was ready to accept help, someone introduced me to the 12 steps of CoDependents Anonymous - of which step 3 is a crucial part.  There, in the steps and in the fellowship of CoDA, I found what I'd been missing - the HOW of the Christian life I'd been trying so very hard - and failing - to live.  I found people who accepted me for who I was and didn't judge me for not being who I was "supposed" to be - who shared their experience, strength and hope freely with me, who focused on "progress, not perfection."  I believe that God led me to that place, for the express purpose of being able to find what I'd been missing all my life - that central part of the puzzle that I always knew, deep down, was lacking.  In that atmosphere of acceptance and love, I was - and am - able to grow and become everything that God intended, one day at a time.  

Best of all, I don't just believe He loves and cares about me.  I know it.

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