Friday, January 27, 2012

Still Learning

In my last post, I mentioned still needing to let go of situations and people after I've crossed the line without realizing it.  Tonight was one of those nights.  

Oh I can justify it.  I had had a relatively hectic week, jamming in three sessions of physiotherapy and two evenings of overtime, not sleeping all that well, and my brain on continuous fast-forward as I was trying to catch up on a backlog at work. I achieved my goals - but I was still in 'efficiency' mode.  To top things all off, there was supposed to be a gathering tonight amongst a few friends, and a storm had already started to brew, with warnings by the police to stay off the roads.  

Source (via Google Images):
I thought I was trying to meet everyone else's needs.  But the truth was, I was doing it again.  I was fixated on "the plan."  I couldn't seem to unhook from that go-go-go mentality OR from the perfectly scheduled itinerary I had in my head.

What I should have done was allow other people to make up their minds about the gathering, not gallop in and try to fix it or find a way around the weather.  Only after I'd run the risk of hurting the feelings of the people involved and pushing them way outside their comfort zones, did I realize that I was controlling! Imposing my wheeling-dealing anything-to-get-what-I-want WILL on other people!!  Yikes!!  It took a gentle, ever so gentle rebuke from a wonderful friend for me to realize that the only person in this equation that was stressing was me - that I was giving my stress to others, and perhaps I had better unhook from my plans, quit building and rebuilding my crumbling house of cards again and again, and allow myself some time to relax.  

It was the best decision of course, once I had just decided to release what I wanted to do and allow God to put things in place naturally.

Now I'm sitting in my living room, watching TV, and listening to the freezing rain as it pelts the window, thanking God for the opportunity to spend some time looking after me.

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