Merciful goodness!

I'm recovering from a cold that I caught yesterday when I was at the walk-in clinic.  I was fine when I was there - now I caught this little kid's cold who was in the waiting room with me, across the room from me, even. Ugh.

Be that as it may, I'm not writing to vent about doctor's offices, or little kids, or any of that.  I'm writing to express my gratitude. 

For the last several months, my husband and I have been watching this little quarter-inch sore on his arm refuse to heal - I'll spare you the details but bodies are supposed to heal and this thing didn't behave ... normally.  Over time it gradually got a little bigger until it measured almost a third of an inch across and was puffed out.  Anyhow - yesterday morning he finally went to get it seen.  I just so happened to have the day off (planned two weeks ago so no, yesterday's doctor's visit wasn't planned by me; it just was what it was. )

After his name was called, I decided to go in with him because I was there, and I was curious.  And I was also a little scared because I knew something was amiss.  The doctor confirmed my niggling little fears - it was indeed basal cell carcinoma - and she was quick to point out (seeing the look on my face, no doubt) that this is the harmless kind of cancer. All that would be required was its excision at the hands of a plastic surgeon.  

She made the referral to a good plastic surgeon, and today his receptionist called and booked a date for April to have it seen to. Just like that. 

Found this photo (through Google Images) at:
http://radical-church-history.blogspot.com/
2011/10/lost-art-of-gratitude.html

After checking with a friend in the know, I've come to understand that all of these carcinomas are sent to the lab to be analyzed after they are removed; this is quite a relief.  

All the research we've done since the diagnosis shows that 98% of these cancers are localized and benign - and that of those that are malignant, there is an extremely good recovery rate.  The doctor did check his back for more spots - there were none - and said that if ever he had a 'friend' that hung around longer than it should without getting better, it would be best to have it checked - a mild rebuke for waiting so long in the first place.  Yet she didn't seem too awfully concerned about it, which gave us the message again that it wasn't of the "oh my goodness it's cancer!" variety.

When I think of what this MIGHT have been, though - it makes me extremely grateful for the mercy of God.  It reminds me that life is so very short, and that every day is precious, and that especially so are the people in our lives.  I find myself taking little moments aside to just thank God - no agendas, no manipulation, just pure gratitude.  I thank God for being merciful to us. For showing His goodness to us.  For taking pity on us.  I also am thanking Him for the wonderful gift He gave me: the gift of this my best friend in life -- my very loving, very thoughtful, yet very ... human ... husband -- and being all the more determined to enjoy every moment with him.

Thank You again, God.

Still Learning

In my last post, I mentioned still needing to let go of situations and people after I've crossed the line without realizing it.  Tonight was one of those nights.  

Oh I can justify it.  I had had a relatively hectic week, jamming in three sessions of physiotherapy and two evenings of overtime, not sleeping all that well, and my brain on continuous fast-forward as I was trying to catch up on a backlog at work. I achieved my goals - but I was still in 'efficiency' mode.  To top things all off, there was supposed to be a gathering tonight amongst a few friends, and a storm had already started to brew, with warnings by the police to stay off the roads.  

Source (via Google Images):
http://googlemei.blogspot.com/2010/12/relax.html

I thought I was trying to meet everyone else's needs.  But the truth was, I was doing it again.  I was fixated on "the plan."  I couldn't seem to unhook from that go-go-go mentality OR from the perfectly scheduled itinerary I had in my head.

What I should have done was allow other people to make up their minds about the gathering, not gallop in and try to fix it or find a way around the weather.  Only after I'd run the risk of hurting the feelings of the people involved and pushing them way outside their comfort zones, did I realize that I was controlling! Imposing my wheeling-dealing anything-to-get-what-I-want WILL on other people!!  Yikes!!  It took a gentle, ever so gentle rebuke from a wonderful friend for me to realize that the only person in this equation that was stressing was me - that I was giving my stress to others, and perhaps I had better unhook from my plans, quit building and rebuilding my crumbling house of cards again and again, and allow myself some time to relax.  

It was the best decision of course, once I had just decided to release what I wanted to do and allow God to put things in place naturally.

Now I'm sitting in my living room, watching TV, and listening to the freezing rain as it pelts the window, thanking God for the opportunity to spend some time looking after me.

Line? What line?

I was talking to a friend today about an experience she had which was a little unnerving...  I won't go into details but it involved something of an interpersonal nature.

I ended up sharing some things that have happened to me recently, and comparing them to what would have happened in the past.  The differences were like night and day; as I described the changes to her, I even surprised myself.  

Perhaps one of the biggest changes I've seen in myself in the last 3 years has been The Line.  

You may know The Line about which I speak.  It's that boundary line that exists between people, the one that separates who I am from who you are, that separates my business from your business.  

Up until 3 years ago, I didn't have one.  And I didn't think anyone else had one either.  It made for some very uncomfortable situations for others - and for me - and it ended friendships because I either clung too much and let people walk all over me, or I pushed into other people's business and tried to control their lives. (Oh, but I didn't call it controlling. I called it "helping.")  

So when I first discovered that other people had this "line" - and that I'd been stomping all over it and/or pushing past it into other people's "stuff" for decades (and this was why they figuratively ran screaming in the opposite direction) - that was the first thing that had to change.  

It took months of practice to let go and allow people to be who they were, to let them have their own opinions and beliefs because they had a right to do that.  Even if I felt they were wrong.  Even if I wanted to help them, SO much.  I learned - slowly - to let go of my need to be right, my need to be the rescuer, my need to have the last word, my need to be needed.  Sometimes I still need to relearn some of those things, but they don't take as long now as they did then.  As I let go, a good many of those relationships started to change - for the better.  People felt safer around me.  And I didn't feel like I had to hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders.  That was so liberating for me.

As I learned that others had boundaries that needed to be respected, I also discovered that I had my own "line" - which I had never seen or been aware of before.  Once I realized that I had this line - and that it wasn't okay for people to cross it - I began to test it.  My first foray into standing up for myself happened at work, over a recurring issue which I'd been putting up with, a situation where I previously would never have dreamed of standing up for myself.  And one day - spurred on by another occurrence of it - I just did.  In fear and trembling, I described the problem to my supervisor and said what I needed.  And he was like, "Oh.  Okay."  Just like that.  

I made a lot of mistakes along the way.  But I found that most people were willing to overlook those - and when they weren't (confrontation, another big bugaboo of mine), a simple open conversation worked miracles.  And nobody got angry.  Nobody attacked me for having an opinion or for looking after myself.  

And I found that as I gave people their space and expected my own, I started to like the new me that I was becoming: a more confident, relaxed person with something to contribute when asked.  

This was the most amazing part of it... liking myself.

Who knew?

WE and ME

We.
It can be such a wonderful word when spoken with love or the spirit of togetherness. Not so much when it's spoken in the 'royal' sense - for example, when a doctor asks, "How are we feeling today?"  Hmmm.   But that's not my thrust in today's post.

We.  It means more than one person including the one speaking. There is a shared purpose, a shared experience.  Shared strength, perhaps.  

"We" means belonging to a group - whether a marriage, a one-on-one friendship or a small OR large group of people with a common belief, problem, or interest.  

Of course any time you have a group of people, you are going to get differing opinions, different sensitivities, different expectations brought to the table.  That's a given.  But "We" focuses on the primary purpose for which the people gather or associate with one another.  

Source (via Google Images):
http://nacwr.blogspot.com/2011/07/closer-we-humans-live-
by-mother-natures.html

I belong to different groups of people; everyone does.  Let's say I belong to a curling club and to a soccer-moms club.  (I don't, by the way.)  I might see the same people in each place, but the focus of the group changes and we don't spend our time at the curling club talking about strategies for car-pooling for the soccer-moms club. We stick to the main reason why we're there to support the goals of the group we're in.  It's simple enough.  Nothing complicated about that.

There's solidarity in "We."  Relationships. Support.  Hope.  Strength.  Not that we can't make it without each other, but that we can make it more EASILY with each other's presence to encourage, to cheer each other.  

It's been said that there is no "I" in "We."  While that might be true in a certain sense, I cannot say "We" without including "me".  Otherwise I'd say "you!!"  Right? So my very minor point here is that while group dynamics and group cohesiveness is important, it can only be as successful as the individuals that make up the group.  The willingness of each individual participant to contribute, to work on him or herself (practicing music individually if one is in a band or orchestra, for example) will automatically enhance the quality of the time the group spends together.  

This has all kinds of applications in every situation from ball teams to church.  The group or the team is only as successful as the individual members make it in their own personal lives, and it takes the willingness of those members to contribute to the group BY CHOICE.  Not because the individual members NEED the group but because they WANT to be together.  That, I've found in my own life, is a way more healthy way to come together.  

I'm not exactly sure why I wrote all that.  Perhaps it's just something that was gelling in my own mind.  At any rate, I'm just putting it out there.  Who knows? it might be just what someone needs.  Stranger things have happened...  ;) 

Phostered Phonies

The culture we live in discourages certain behaviors and encourages others based on what it thinks and / or believes is important.  It's not just endemic to one particular subculture or social group, it's pandemic across our entire culture to treat certain actions as laudable and others as lousy - and some of them literally make no sense to me.  To my way of thinking, some actions that are commonly praised need to be exposed and deplored; some which are discouraged need to be re-examined and considered carefully as models upon which to base our interactions with each other. 

In today's culture, for example, in response to a simple question, "How are you?" the answer "Great!" is encouraged - even if you're dying inside.  The answer "Lousy," though honest (which is the goal, right?) is criticized as undesirable, a "downer." Or in the church setting, "not speaking in faith." Even the response, "Okay," is suspect.  ("Just okay?  You should be joyful! deliriously happy! Great!") So I've started to compile a list of some of the more commonly accepted / condoned practices, those ones which foster dysfunctional relationships, phoniness, and judgment, and which reject healthy relationships, honesty, and acceptance.  

1. Segregation.  Oops, I mean mens' (or ladies') groups and/or getaways.  Church is notorious for these. While paying lip service to marriage and family, these groups /events can foster the exact thing that they claim they are trying to avoid.  "Spend more time paying attention to your wives, men. And to help you do that, we're going to get you to leave them at home for three days straight while you hang out with each other and 'bond.' Yeah, golf to your heart's content, spend the family finances on a hotel bill and green fees, and don't be there with your wives and families the only time in the week that you get to spend with them."  Same thing with ladies' groups - also known as women's retreats.  "Okay, ladies... here's how to save your marriages. Rob your men of the joy of sleeping in with you on the one day they can do so per week, so you can go grouse about them behind their backs with a bunch of girls, get fifty-dollar facials ... and play slumber party."   I just don't get it. Then again, I've never been big on girly-girl stuff.  But I digress.  I'd prefer to see "couple's retreats" or "family retreats." Wouldn't that be radical.
   
   
2. Manipulation.  Oh, come on. This is HUGE!!  Everything from "come to the social gathering, there'll be free food" to "oh, he won't mind. All I gotta do is look at him and bat my eyes and say 'please' with a little pout.  He'll come around" to the classic guilt trip mothers give about all those hours of labour and how the child somehow "owes" them for that. It's everywhere!! Control the other guy through manipulation.  Or intimidation.  (Such as implying that someone is not a good wife/mother/husband/father/son/daughter/friend if that person doesn't do a specific action that is all the rage, like oh, I dunno, go to church every time the doors are open, or watching a certain movie that "everyone" is watching). 
   
   
3. Sexism.  Yes, you heard me!! I hear it all the time.  "All men are lazy messy pigs."   (Uh, no they're not.) Or "All blonde [or pretty] women are dumb."  (uh, beg pardon, but ... NO.)  And the most intricate of mental yoga moves (i.e., twisting the mind into a pretzel shape) to account for the many MANY exceptions to whatever sexist rule we hear and believe (really? after all this time?)  ....one of those pretzel moves I heard recently was the "80/20 rule."  I couldn't believe my ears.  That is (giving the example of men and untidiness) 80% of men are slobs and 20% are not, whereas 80% of women are neat freaks and 20% aren't.  Hm.  It doesn't wash with me.  I happen to believe that people are people - - you know, human beings.  Gender - or should I say hormone level - does determine a tendency to do certain things.  But to justify your need to grouse about the opposite gender just because your own life sucks or because you consider your own gender to be superior to the other - is kind of a giant step backward, no matter what gender you are.
   
   



Source (via Google Images):
http://vi.sualize.us/view/8c5074cff0e59aa428a3fc85cebd1c7d/
(classic manipulation through guilt)

4. Bullying. Oh, I'm not talking about the classic bullying that is so much the topic of news stories and so forth.  The kind I mean can take several forms: minimizing another's accomplishments by finding fault with them (how about stopping a conversation or reducing it to a whisper with sidelong glances when that someone comes in the room?) or even the socially acceptable practice known as "practical jokes."  (These, in my opinion, are neither funny nor practical, and if continued, can cause someone to seriously consider the ultimate escape from life.) I see it happen in all spheres of life - work, church, school, other social groups - and in every case it is seen as, "Well, that's just so-and-so.  He's/ she's harmless."  Tell that to every teen who has considered purchasing a one-way ticket to the Other Side because they never get a break from it - and they don't foresee it stopping when they graduate. Or go into the workforce. 
   
   
5. Fatalism.  The "I can't help it, it's just me" mentality can be not only defeatist, but it can be used as an excuse for inexcusable behavior.  Just saying.
   
   
   The truth is, of course, that not one person can change him or herself.  Only God can change the heart. The choice then becomes, am I willing to give it to God and give Him carte blanche to change me in this or that area? 
   
   
   If we are serious about developing relationship with God, perhaps it's time to revisit some of these areas in our own lives.  I've given my opinion on them to spark thought and reflection.  You don't have to agree with my take on things; that's not important - but if I've caused someone to pause and rethink the way he or she thinks and acts, then perhaps this post has been worth the risk.

How to raise a codependent child

Start with a child, any child will do, preferably your own but it doesn't have to be - it could be a grandchild, a nephew or niece, or even a kid from your scout group or Sunday school class.

Begin to finish his or her sentences for him - and interrupt him when he's trying to tell others something.

Insist on having your own way in the most minor of details, from what to eat for supper to how many popsicle sticks or toothpicks should be in his/her artwork.

Talk about him or her in the third person when he/she is right there.  Belittle or laugh at/ridicule him or her whenever possible.

Never mention his or her accomplishments to him/her, only to others - and in an embarrassing way in front of the child.  Example - Ah, little Jimmy is so great at playing the harmonica, you should hear him do the little teapot! Come on Jimmy, show everyone how you can do that. [ignore protests.]  No, right now.  I don't care if you're nervous, don't be a baby, just come over here and do it right NOW! (Notice how I combined this one with the previous two.  Mixing and matching is encouraged when growing a dysfunctional child.)

Make decisions for him/her that he/she could easily make.  Let your child know that you don't trust his/her judgment, that he/she is liable to mess things up if attempting something alone.  Then complain to him or her about how you never get any help.

Never praise or congratulate your child for a job well done.  Instead, compare his or her accomplishments with a super-achieving brother's, sister's, or cousin's.

Never thank your child for doing something without being asked.  Instead, criticize everything that's wrong with what he/she did.

If your child expresses an emotion - especially a "negative" one - tell him or her that it isn't right (or that it's sinful) and that the whole reason for the feeling is stupid.  Example :  "Well that's just ridiculous!  it was only a toy! she didn't mean to throw it across the room and break it! of COURSE you don't hate your sister! you LOVE your sister!  now come give your sweet sister a hug..."  

Sigh deeply in annoyance when your child asks you to do something for (or with) him/her.  Let your child know how much of a burden he/she is and how much you are putting yourself out to meet his/her needs.  

When you get angry, take it out on your child. Punish him or her harshly.  It will toughen him/her up and make resentment burn inside of him/her for years, maybe decades - the perfect breeding ground for codependence - and maybe even addiction.  

NEVER admit you are wrong to your child.  Always make him or her do the apologizing.

Most importantly, never tell your child that you love or are proud of him or her, even if you are - which is doubtful really, if you follow all the other guidelines above.  If he or she beats the odds and accomplishes something, and you must tell him or her, make sure that your words are meaningless by not backing them up with your actions, or by asking why that 97% wasn't a 100%.  Perfectionism and hypocrisy are two of the best tools for creating the kind of dysfunction in your children that will last for decades.

When is a Bird not a Bird?

When is a bird not a bird?

I know the standard riddle's response - when it's an egg.  Um, well - I didn't intend my post title to be a trick question.  Not in this context, anyway.  The answer I was looking for is, "Never."  In other words, it can't change itself from being a bird to being something else.

It is what it is.  That's something that someone named "Owl" forgot once, in the Hundred Acre Wood.  See, his friends found some feathers near his tree, and ... well ... why don't you see for yourself?  The video is less than 11 minutes long.
 




So much trouble comes from believing other people's opinions of who we are and what we should do.  (There's that word again: should.  Grrrrr......) 

Oh, by the way, did you happen to notice my favorite scene?  it's when Eeyore comes back from staying with Owl to try to cheer him up.  It was so very funny to me... A. A. Milne's way of pointing out that folks have a tendency to see faults in others that are glaring in themselves.  But I digress.  

Everyone has his or her own opinion of what "normal" is, ever notice that?  How much less heartache there would be if we all allowed people to be who they are, exercise a little compassion ... and give up the well-practiced sport of jumping to conclusions!

Hit the Ground Running

I must have looked a little frazzled when a former co-worker saw me tapping my foot impatiently by the elevator on my way to a physiotherapy appointment.  She asked me how things were going and I mentioned something about having hit the ground running first thing this morning and not stopping since.  She laughed and we commiserated.  She asked me why I would volunteer to do a certain task; I let her know I enjoy it and we went our separate ways.  

Source - stumbled on this through Google Images at:
http://mychinaconnection.com/english-idiom/
being-gung-ho-hit-the-ground-running/

Before I go any further, let me say that it's not wrong to "hit the ground running." A lot can be accomplished in the run of a day that way.  But there comes a time .... well, I'm getting ahead of myself.

After I got to my physio appointment, with electrodes attached to my lower back giving vibrations, plus a moist heating pad beneath me, I settled into the change of pace it brought. Sometimes this transition is graceful; other times it isn't and I struggle to relax.  This was one of those "can't settle down" times.  I found myself thinking about the work day I just had, how much work there was left waiting for me to do, and whether I would be able to get to work at the time I wanted to arrive tomorrow.  That word should have been a red flag for me - but it wasn't; I was in full "fret mode."  It wasn't until I found myself planning what time to leave work Tomorrow so that I could do what I wanted to do Tomorrow Night, that it dawned on me.  I was doing it again.

Tomorrow is one of the great thieves of the enjoyment of the moment.  I wasn't in the moment.  I hardly noticed the moment.  I was tense and stressing about a day that had not - as yet - been granted to me.

TODAY, I reminded myself.  Live in TODAY.  After a few deep breaths, and some prayer, I started to relax.

Well, I must have relaxed a fair bit .... because by half-way through the session I woke myself up by my snoring!  

So, knowing that my body was tired and that there must be some reason for it, I started doing a bit of an inventory on what I was doing to look after myself, and - naturally - I'd been "hitting the ground running" a lot lately.  

This evening I am happy to just sit and "vegge" on Facebook, blog (yes, I LOVE to blog!), chat online, maybe even go on Skype with someone, and possibly watch some pre-recorded TV programs with our oldest daughter. And enjoy it all.

And all this so that I can have enough energy - when the time comes tomorrow - to "hit the ground running."  Again.

I just hope that by my next appointment I am not drifting off on the treatment table again....  ;D 

i-Life

Anyone who owns a MacIntosh computer - and a good percentage of those who don't - knows that Apple calls all of its products "i-Something."

There's iPod, iPhone, iPhoto, even iMovie.  In fact, the last two are part of a suite of programs called iLife.  And that kind of gets me to thinking.  

I wonder if very many people HAVE an i-Life.  I know lots of people, including me, who have a u-life.  (in other words, a "you-life") - where the focus is always and ever upon everybody else except ourselves.  We give and give and give to others, never anything but the dregs left for ourselves ... and then we wonder why we're so burnt out, stressed, and exhausted all the time.

Perhaps if each of us had a little more of an i-Life (that is, a me-life, a relationship with ourselves, also called self-care) then there would be more energy left over for the u-Life we all believe we should be leading.  Or perhaps that we were taught that we should be leading this u-Life, and if we weren't leading it to the exclusion of ourselves, then we were selfish, spoiled brats.  Hm. 

An i-Life can start in many ways.  

It can begin with taking some time to look after ourselves in a very minor way.  Like a habit which we know is good for us, but which we can never find time to do.  Or like taking 30 minutes as soon as we get home from work / school / wherever and listening to some uplifting music... whatever touches that aching part inside of us that needs affirmation.  

It doesn't have to be complicated - or expensive.  When my kids were elementary school-aged, we didn't have much money to go around.  So our "outing" was to go to the Humane Society shelter and visit the animals for an hour a week, sometimes even more often than that.  We love animals and we took great pleasure in brightening some of the kennel-bound animals' moments while they were awaiting adoption.  

Another thing we used to do in the summer was drive to a local city park which is by the harbor, park the car and watch the sailboats go by and the waves come into the shore.  We'd go for a walk in the park, stop by the playground, wade in the wading area - and once in a while we'd stop for ice cream...not every time, of course.  The whole trip might cost us about seven bucks max.  Yet we would return home energized.  

One of the first things I started doing when God brought me to my own personal "rock bottom" nearly 3 years ago, was to spend a little extra time in the day brushing my teeth.  It sounds odd, but that one five-minute habit gave me the message that I was worth spending time on... and I so needed that message. It was the beginning of my i-Life.

Am I touching anyone's i-Life today?

Wilt thou?

"Wilt thou be healed?" (Jesus, in John 5:6) 

Billy Graham used to tell the funniest little story about the day he got married.  The wedding vows in those days were in Elizabethan English, so at the moment of truth, the minister would say, "Wilt thou take this woman to be thy wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, so long as ye both shall live?"

Billy was talking about that moment, when he quipped: "The preacher said, 'Wilt thou?' .... and I wilted."  

Jesus asked a very important question to a man who had been sick for a very long time, who saw miracles happen all around him on a regular basis, but who never had anyone who cared about him enough to make sure he got HIS miracle.  He said, "Wilt thou be healed?"  

In other words, "Do you want to get better?"

Source:
http://boysofdisney.tumblr.com/post/4292283521

Now, one would think the most natural response in the world would be the same as Emperor Kuzco's response when Pacha asks him if he's tired of being a llama. 

Yeah-hessss!

But this guy - the first thing out of his mouth is excuses.  

He doesn't even answer yes or no.  

But before judging him, let's think about this. Thirty-eight years he's lain by the side of this pool.  Every so often the water bubbles up - they said an angel stirred it, and whoever was the first one into the pool after that, would be healed.  And they were.  Every time.  So 38 years goes by and this guy is still by the side of the pool, begging for food in his spare time (and there'd be a LOT of spare time.) Lots of time to think about how alone he was, how nobody cared enough to roll him over there.  People came - ill - they left - better.  Not him.  People passed by there every day, saw him there.  Perhaps they asked him why he was still there after all this time.  Perhaps just their expression asked him that same question.  Could anyone imagine just how the victim mentality grew all over him like a fungus?  

So when Jesus asks him, "Do you want to be healed?" what do you suppose he hears in his heart?  "How come you're not healed? you must not want it badly enough."  

So his first words are, "Sir, I have nobody..."  Such a lonely existence being ill and being judged for it ... it's true!  Yet - the One asking this question wasn't judging.  He was asking if the man wanted to be healed.  And now that I listen a bit more closely  ...  I think I can hear his heart.  "Yeah-hessss!" 

Immediately Jesus tells him to pick up his pallet, the one on which he had been living for almost 40 years, and walk.  No fanfare, no stirring up the water and pushing people out of the way to get this guy in the pool first - no vindication in front of people who had passed him by and dismissed him.  Just pick up your mat and walk.  Don't worry about the muscles that are atrophied after years of disuse.  Just start using them - you've been given the ability by God to move around.  

At that point the man has a choice: to do as he is told, or to disbelieve and stay on his sleeping pad.  But no, he does - he gets up.  

And he can walk.  Unsteadily perhaps at first - but he does get up.  And - if you will use your imagination with me for a moment - from that day forward, his whole way of life progressively changes.  He has to strengthen his legs, learn balance, re-learn some table manners, perhaps.  He's also expected to work for a living instead of beg.  All those things which were withheld from him as an invalid, begin to unfold in his life.  Everything not only changes in a moment of time, but it continues to change as he walks through every day.

So with us (yes, even - and perhaps especially - Christians!) when we are bound for years and years by some unseen affliction that keeps us living in a victim-state.  We are powerless to help ourselves ... others seem to get healed and move on and leave us in the dust, wondering why, what's wrong with us.  And then the Master comes to us and asks us if we want to be healed.  

Do we?  do we really?  or are we used to the attention we're getting? are we fond of the pity and the emotional stroking we get because we have this great circumstance in our lives that colours every other aspect of our being?  Some of us feel that way, if we were to be brutally honest with ourselves.  I know I did - for many years.  But there comes a point when we must face that question, having come to the end of ourselves, when we are supremely tired of living life that way, and tell the Creator that we want to get better - and that there's nothing that we can do to GET better; we've tried everything on our own with abysmal results.  So we ask for Him to take over.  We tell Him - in response to His ever-present question - that we want to be healed.  

I did.  And when I did, He gave me the ability to get up and walk.  
But that was only the beginning of a whole new lifestyle - one that's ongoing.

The Wreck - a parable

Georgette and Bob went for a ride in her car one evening.  Georgette was behind the wheel.  She didn't tell Bob that she had night blindness and that she shouldn't be driving; she just figured it would be fine.  

It had been raining so the streets were wet, but it had stopped raining.  However, in the dark, with slippery roads and the lights of an oncoming car in her eyes, and only Bob's "Look OUT!" to warn her, Georgette lost control of the car and it crashed into a barricade, flipping the car and landing it in the ditch.  Georgette was pinned behind the wheel and couldn't get out of the car.  Bob was thrown clear. Neither was wearing a seat belt.

Both miraculously survived.  

Source: via Google Images:
http://www.deathbycar.info/2010/03/crash-deaths-2009/

In the dark, as people stopped to render assistance, Georgette screamed in pain - her leg was broken and the bone was protruding a little from it. She yelled for Bob to come to her aid.  Bob was lying quietly on his side several feet away, breathing slowly in, out, in, out.  Nothing appeared to be broken.  But he didn't get up.  

As the crowd gathered, the cries from Georgette grew more and more angry.  Why wasn't Bob coming over? couldn't he see she was in pain? The cries took on a pleading tone; Georgette was screaming and sobbing. The people around the accident site all crouched beside her and tried to comfort her, since she was the one who was obviously the worse off.  Someone called 911 and everyone waited for the police and ambulance to come ... and the paramedics to tend to her.  

One or two people went to see Bob.  He didn't look to be hurt, and he wasn't saying anything at all, so they turned their attention to Georgette.  She was moaning in pain, writhing... and the sirens came within earshot.  Neither she nor anyone could figure out why Bob wasn't helping.  He just stayed where he was, with a bleeding lip, breathing in, out. In, out.  They figured he was just an ingrate, that he was lazy, that he was angry at her - several theories came to the fore - and finally the paramedics came to the scene with their emergency kits.

A couple of the paramedics went to Georgette to check her out as the other two went to attend to Bob.  They had only been with him for a few moments when they called to their companions and said, "Get a backboard.  This one goes first."

"What?!!" screamed Georgette.  I'm hurt here!  Don't you people know anything?" Several in the crowd agreed.

But the paramedics knew differently.  Those close enough to hear them working with Bob, heard them radio the hospital.  "From what we can tell, this man has at least four fractured ribs, at least one of which has punctured a lung.  There's internal bleeding, possibly a ruptured spleen - we suspect a compression fracture of the upper lumbar spine.  We've started an I.V. and are getting him on a backboard.  Get the O.R. ready and have a surgeon waiting."  

There was a garble of words at the other end.  "Oh, the other one?  She's pinned in the car screaming her head off.  Just a broken leg."  More garbled words.  "Okay, we'll give her a shot.  Send another ambulance for her with the jaws of life, we're taking this one in.  Right now.  ETA, fifteen."

Born for Adversity

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." - Prov. 17:17

For most of my formative years, I thought that the second half of the above verse meant, "a brother is born to fight with."  In my dysfunctional childhood home where fighting was a daily occurrence (even though our parents hid their heads in the sand about it) I really thought that was the only interpretation that made sense.  I saw one brother thumping the other one constantly - every chance he got he was hitting, kicking or shoving his little brother into a wall, and the younger one took it, to his own detriment.  I just tried to stay out of the way.  Usually I succeeded ... with my brothers at least.  

After the enforcer left when I was about eight years old, I got to know this fellow who had been surviving under his older brother's thumb... and sad to say, in his shadow.  He spent the next forty years trying to live up to the expectations people had of him to equal his brother's accomplishments, which if you listened to the adults in the family, were nearly god-like.  By the comparisons the adults made, the younger brother was a failure.  No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't do anything right - at least, not right enough to impress the two people he most wanted to please: his parents.

Nobody saw - nobody, it seemed, but me - what a passionate, decent person he  was, how much compassion he had for the down-and-outers, how deeply he felt, how amazingly creative he was.  He had (and has) his faults and we have had our share of tussles, but when the chips were (and are) down, this guy was (and is) in my corner.  Every time.  

Born for adversity.  A good guy to have around when you're in trouble.  And even when you're not.  I learned so much from him! 

Like, for example, how to look past the exterior and see what a person was really like on the inside, no matter what they looked like.   I remember him telling me in tears, after some girl rejected him at school, "Sis, don't ever just not give a guy a chance just because he's ugly or wears glasses, or because his nose is too big."

I am so blessed to have a brother like that.  So blessed.

By the way, I married a guy with a big nose and glasses.  And I think he's handsome.

Right now my bro has some pretty serious health problems, and the worst thing for those problems is high stress levels.  Unfortunately, that's exactly what he's going through.  But miraculously, after years and years of feeling beaten, less-than, criticized, and yes, hated - he is starting to realize that a lot of it wasn't his fault.  He is starting to understand that it is okay to feel angry when someone hurts and betrays you, and that without an outlet for that anger, it will fester inside and shorten your life.  He's learning to vent in safe ways.  He's starting to heal without even knowing it.

And it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.