Let Them Be

Sitting in a fold-up chair yesterday by a tree-line to avoid the wind, hubby and I watched people yesterday for a couple of hours as the sun (or what was left of it) filtered through from behind the trees.  We saw all manner of folks going by and from time to time, would comment to each other about this family or that one, innocuous observations mostly about their interactions with each other.  It's one of our favorite things to do.  At least, with each other.  

As usually happens, we started talking about more spiritual and philosophical things.  One of the things we talked about (a conversation that spilled into this morning) was the tendency we have to define ourselves in terms of other people - either how other people see us, or what we do for them, or how we interact with them.  

We talked about the weighty and unnecessary burden of feeling responsible for the actions and/or attitudes of others, so much so that it is very easy to lose sight of who we are, even.  

I know that feeling.  There was a time when I didn't know who I was because I was so busy trying to fix other people in my life, focusing on what I wanted to see happen in their lives and getting upset because it wasn't happening, or because it wasn't happening fast enough.  

I'd fallen prey to the classic co-dependent trap.  I couldn't let people be who they were.  My whole identity was wrapped up in making people be who I wanted them to be, or in trying my hardest to "help" them.  And not in a good way, or for their benefit, but so that my life would have some semblance of meaning.  

Sometimes I still slip into that old mind-set.  But the journey I am on is led by a Power greater than I - and He is leading me inexorably toward a knowledge of knowing where I end and other people begin - or where other people end and I begin.  What I was really trying to do is to be that Power for other people.  That's not a good thing.  When I try to be God to someone else - they are not able to start their own journey in their version of where I started my own journey: from a place of utter desperation and powerlessness. 

Even after they have begun, I forget sometimes that it's a process - and need to remind myself that it's a messy process and doesn't always go as planned.  Or as quickly as planned.  I need to step back and let them be - to let them discover and grow and mature as God leads them in their path, which doesn't necessarily mirror mine.  In doing so, I cease trying to do God's job for Him and that burden falls off my shoulders and tumbles into the ditch.  

The boundary lines between my own self and other people's selves are starting to come into focus - and as they do, I'm finding it easier and easier to accept myself - and others - the way each of us is, and trust that God will take care of the rest of the way.