Back to School

There she is - a month after passing the GED with flying colours. Afterward, subsequent to spending maybe six to eight months doing not much of anything except Skyping with her friends and going to a chiropractor for a neck problem - my oldest daughter announced shortly after Tsuri died, that she had decided to go to college. She wanted to take an executive assistant's program and maybe even work where I work someday.

I almost fell off my chair. I've been waiting for her to decide to do something about her education, but I had to stay silent... because she is not only my daughter but my husband's as well, and she can't be coerced into anything she isn't completely ready for. I'm only about 19 months into recovery from my obsession to "fix" people and therefore control their lives, their beliefs, their behaviour, and their lives, so I have learned somewhat how to let go and not control or manipulate. I'm SO glad I was able to "let go" and let her be who she is. Her decision is doubly rewarding for me now, because I know she came to it on her own without ANY input from me. How very freeing!

Anyway, she called the college a couple of days after Tsuri died and within 24 hours, they called her back and wanted to see her the next day. By the end of the next day, she had brochures and information up the wazoo. (What is a wazoo anyway?) And by the end of that week, she was registered. When my hubby called me with the dollar amount of her tuition - I was glad I was sitting down! Wow - five figures for like - 13 months of school... what's up with that?

So after my wallet stopped trembling, I realized that I would be spending as much if not more for her to go to university. And she'd be staying home so the expense of residence wouldn't be an issue. She has really stepped up to the plate. She's even looking forward to going.

This morning, though, I thought she was going to renege on her commitment to go to college. Tsuri's cage-mate Ceçania (pronounced Sah-SAH-nyah) died around 2 o'clock or so this morning, after my daughter's cat led her into the room and looked at the cage. It was like the cat knew something was wrong. Ceçania was very sick - appeared to be uncomfortable as well. She had gained weight astronomically since Tsuri's stroke and now she was appearing to seize, spasm, or something. With my daughter's attention and stroking she calmed down, but it was very clear that she had possibly developed a urinary infection ... or something worse, like a tumour - that would explain the sudden weight gain.

As Krysta told us about her pet's last hours, tears trickled down her cheeks, because while she was going through it, she was trying very hard to be brave for her furry friend, who was very sensitive to people's moods. After she had said her good-byes and made her apologies for neglecting her when Tsuri was so sick, Krysta made her as comfortable as possible back in her cage, in the corner where she and Tsuri slept together, with a little bit of fluffy material to be soft against her face. She had the time to say goodbye to her little friend. And shortly after two a.m., she returned, and Ceçania wasn't moving or breathing. She had died peacefully in her sleep.

After Krysta had put her back in the cage and before she knew that she had died, she wrote these words in a note to us in case she fell asleep before morning :

As of 1:15 a.m., Ceçania is very sick. Her forepaws keep trembling and she
won't move much. She hasn't been eating and I found her laying in a
puddle of her own urine.
Please set up an appointment with the vet tomorrow, if she's alive
when you read this. She looks sad, depressed, and sick. And in stress/pain.

I can't watch it again. Whatever the vet suggests, "sleep" or not.
I won't keep her alive for me.
She misses Tsuri. Take the action you think best, please.

What an ordeal she went through!! How very mature of her to think of her friend before herself. And she never once said that she wanted to back out of her college enrollment.

I am so very proud of my little girl. She is so very beautiful inside, where it counts. She has turned into the most amazing, mature, wise, compassionate, and loving young woman. I am very grateful to God - she makes my spirit smile.

My husband took Ceçania's little body out to the flower garden and buried her in the same hole Tsuri's body was in. The position they ended up in was very similar to the one they used to sleep in, together, when they were still alive and healthy.

This whole adventure - Tsuri, school, Ceçania - has been a learning experience. We learned from those two little four-footed beings, and we're learning from each other.

It's astounding.

A promising development - Tsuri

Guess what I saw last night when I went to get Tsuri for her feeding?

I caught her climbing on the bars of the cage! This is the first time - to my knowledge - that she's had the strength in her paws to hold on to the cage bars and support her own weight - since her stroke a month ago!

She fell off when I opened the cage door - but even for her to have held on for as long as she did is very encouraging! She has developed a wheeze to her breathing...so I hope that doesn't mean she has a respiratory infection (very serious in rats and humans alike). However, the added strength is a good sign. Maybe someday she'll even be able to eat seeds again.

Plus - her hair is starting to grow back in behind her ears where she'd been obsessively cleaning so much (because of stress, or frustration) that she wore the hair off. And since she has been bruxing (grinding her teeth) the whole time, she doesn't need to have her teeth clipped. (Rats are rodents - their teeth need to be worn down because they are constantly growing. If they are sick, or there is a problem with a bite that doesn't close properly, sometimes the teeth need to be shortened, just like you would clip fingernails that get too long. It's mostly painless for the rat - but not nearly as easy as clipping fingernails since teeth are thicker and there's that little tongue that keeps getting into the wrong places).

Now all we need to do is concentrate on getting her back to her pre-stroke weight.

I'm not unrealistic. Rats rarely survive beyond 6 months after a major stroke, if they survive at all. And once they have a stroke, they're liable to have another - which is usually fatal. So for now, we are taking one day at a time and rejoicing in every little bit of progress. And along the way, Father God is teaching us all about dependency, relationship, and trust.

That's so cool.