One of the first things that any writing coach will tell his or her students is the difference between two different writing styles: passive voice and active voice.
Passive voice means that the object is acted upon by the subject, and the object is mentioned first. Example: "The man was licked on the face by the dog." Active voice means that the one doing the action is mentioned first, and then the action, and then the object. Example: "The dog licked the man's face."
Active voice is far more direct. It's active: it's easy to follow who did what to whom. Passive voice implies that the action is "happening to" the main character.
But it's not just in writing that I've seen examples of these two voices. I actually LIVED in the passive voice most of my life. My whole attitude was that things "happened TO" me. I was not actively participating in my life; I felt that I was the victim of things and forces beyond my control, pushed around from pillar to post. Therefore, I would constantly run to this person and that person asking for understanding, help, prayer, support, encouragement, validation. My most common statement was, "I just don't know why these things keep happening to me." And it wouldn't matter how much support or advice I got. I'd be off to the next person, asking for the same kind of understanding, the same kind of affirmation.
When I got into recovery from that kind of mind-set and started taking responsibility for my own actions and expecting others to take responsibility for theirs, I noticed a slow shift in my attitude toward life. Things "happened" less and less to me.
Oh, to be sure, life still throws me curve balls and there are situations that do still baffle me. But they are fewer. Or is it that my thinking has changed?
Perhaps, even though stuff still happens, my attitude is now more like this: I make decisions (even the wrong ones) and I live with the consequences of those decisions. People are still mean or vindictive to me, but that doesn't have to dictate how I react; I don't have to lie down and take it like I once felt I had to do in order to be "nice."
I can ask for what I want. That's a pretty big deal for me.
Yes, I don't have to like it when something unexpected occurs. Yes, I am still allowed to have feelings about it and to talk about it. But what my recovery has taught me is that God is trustworthy. Always. That instead of my last resort, He has become my first go-to Person. That I don't have to ride the coat-tails of someone else's relationship with Him in order for God to listen to me. And that I'm worth taking up space, having my own opinion, praying for my own needs, and looking after myself rather than expecting others to take care of me.
It's a new feeling - unfamiliar even. And it's kinda scary. But I like it.
Passive voice means that the object is acted upon by the subject, and the object is mentioned first. Example: "The man was licked on the face by the dog." Active voice means that the one doing the action is mentioned first, and then the action, and then the object. Example: "The dog licked the man's face."
Active voice is far more direct. It's active: it's easy to follow who did what to whom. Passive voice implies that the action is "happening to" the main character.
But it's not just in writing that I've seen examples of these two voices. I actually LIVED in the passive voice most of my life. My whole attitude was that things "happened TO" me. I was not actively participating in my life; I felt that I was the victim of things and forces beyond my control, pushed around from pillar to post. Therefore, I would constantly run to this person and that person asking for understanding, help, prayer, support, encouragement, validation. My most common statement was, "I just don't know why these things keep happening to me." And it wouldn't matter how much support or advice I got. I'd be off to the next person, asking for the same kind of understanding, the same kind of affirmation.
When I got into recovery from that kind of mind-set and started taking responsibility for my own actions and expecting others to take responsibility for theirs, I noticed a slow shift in my attitude toward life. Things "happened" less and less to me.
Oh, to be sure, life still throws me curve balls and there are situations that do still baffle me. But they are fewer. Or is it that my thinking has changed?
Perhaps, even though stuff still happens, my attitude is now more like this: I make decisions (even the wrong ones) and I live with the consequences of those decisions. People are still mean or vindictive to me, but that doesn't have to dictate how I react; I don't have to lie down and take it like I once felt I had to do in order to be "nice."
I can ask for what I want. That's a pretty big deal for me.
Yes, I don't have to like it when something unexpected occurs. Yes, I am still allowed to have feelings about it and to talk about it. But what my recovery has taught me is that God is trustworthy. Always. That instead of my last resort, He has become my first go-to Person. That I don't have to ride the coat-tails of someone else's relationship with Him in order for God to listen to me. And that I'm worth taking up space, having my own opinion, praying for my own needs, and looking after myself rather than expecting others to take care of me.
It's a new feeling - unfamiliar even. And it's kinda scary. But I like it.
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