Shoulds and Oughtas - The Fine Print

I'm having a dream.

In my mind's eye, I see a door which is slightly ajar - inviting, strewn about in front with flowers, twittering birds, and soft music.  

Above the archway is written, "Just Believe." I can't quite see inside - but the marketing on the outside is pretty impressive.  Beneath the beautiful tones of birdsong, I can faintly hear a Voice.  It is loving, passionate, pure, full of promise and encouragement.  Hope springs inside of me!

Going through the door, I expect to see a welcoming place.  A place where I am accepted for who I am.  Perhaps the author of the Voice.

But although I can see remnants of what once was a peaceful, inviting place, on the inside are iron bars and barbed wire, and I am handed a list of dos and don'ts. "Welcome to the abundant life," says an automaton who is dressed in 40's business garb.  "There is joy here ... Unless you sell yourself into slavery and subjugate your own desires, you won't ever be truly happy." I look at the list of rules.  They include such things as giving up anything that might be construed as enjoyment or fun.  They include giving up favorite pastimes in order to be at the church whenever the doors are open, sacrificing even family time to be at the beck and call of whatever missions trip or conference is going on.  The faces of my spouse and children start to fade away - I hear their protesting voices get more and more dim as I consider the path before me.

I panic.  This is not what I signed up for!!  Where is the peace? Where is the joy?  Where - oh please tell me it's somewhere - is the love?

Where did God go in all of this?

I can't hear that Voice anymore!!

I force myself to read the list of regulations and get to the bottom.  I'm already in shock - what more could there be?  

A smudge at the bottom of the page attracts my attention.  I ask for a magnifying glass.  Uncomfortable, my new host hands one to me.  I read at the bottom: "If you do not subscribe to every single belief, behavior, and attitude on this list, your motivations and your conversion will be questioned by the Fellowship at every turn.  If you dare to step outside the prescribed methods listed on the reverse, (there's more?? I think to myself) your actions will be deemed "not of God" and you will be ostracized. Embrace the blessing.  Have a nice day."

Now I am SURE I have made a mistake.  

A suffocating feeling comes over me.  The hope I felt before entering the door is being crushed, soured, demolished.

I begin to look around in desperation.  Is it ALL like this?  What happened to all the promises I was made?  How could this existence EVER be mistaken for "abundance?" Someone PLEASE wake me up from this nightmare!

I pray desperately - my heart's cry is for God to show me what this is all about and what HE wants, how HE feels about all this.

Set before me is a labyrinth of gates, dead ends, and roadblocks.  It's all so forbidding, so artificial... so I look for any other way to recapture the promise I heard in the Voice.  

And there IS something: a light - a natural light - like Sunlight - coming NOT from the labyrinth but from somewhere I can't see, off to the side. 

I decide to follow it.  All around me are voices condemning me for my choice.  I've left the safety of the maze, they say. I've gone where nobody should go.  Nobody who's ever gone that way has ever come back, they say.  "Well," I think aloud, "there's no way I want to come back to THIS."

On this new path, I can see some of the original design of this vast place.  Gnarled roots from an olive tree.  Moss, soft and cool, cushions my step.  I feel strangely invigorated. The accusing voices behind me start to fade away.  I cock my head slightly for I think I can hear the peeping of a bird - somewhere.  The noises of an ever-increasingly wild wood both frighten and intrigue me.  The light - the light is just ahead.  

I round a corner and see a tree - one that looks like it has been in this spot forever.  One one side of its bumpy and overgrown bark there is a space cleared where someone has carved a heart.  The words inside the heart seem to vibrate with life.  "Love one another."  

The chirping of birds is more clear now - all kinds of species, with songs high and low, blending together harmoniously.  Almost forgotten is the labyrinth behind me; in fact, it has faded from my sight.

The light I saw earlier is all around me; it seems to come from nowhere but yet it is miraculously here.  I am filled with awe --  with a sense that I have only begun to scratch the surface of something that can never be fathomed. 

A rustling sound - like the sound of crinkling paper - distracts me. The list of dos and don'ts is still in my hand, the only remnant of the restrained, strait-jacket world I have left behind.  I forgot to toss the paper away - and I am just about to do so when I notice the watermark on the paper.  In the artificial light from the entryway, I could not see it - but now it is as clear as day.  

It says "Ichabod - the glory has departed."

As I let go of the paper, it dissolves into mid-air and a warm glow beckons me on. I hear a Voice - a familiar Voice - the one I thought I heard when I stood outside the entrance.  Only  now can I hear Him say my name - saying it in the purest and most passionate love I have ever known.

My heart leaps.  This - this is joy.  If I am dreaming ..... don't wake me.