Careful Watch

He has done it for decades without calling attention to it. He has been our guardian - our protector. He has set a careful watch over our little family and he has been the go-to person in times of crisis ... unless he was in one of his own. He has soldiered on for years, uncomplaining, when he really should have asked to have his own needs met. 

Like about two and a half years ago, when he was shoveling snow off the deck. His shovel hit a nail and he felt an immediate searing pain in the front of his right shoulder. But he didn't seek medical attention. He figured it would heal. Sure, he was weaker in that arm but he was getting older, right? 

Then, a year and a half ago, he playfully whiffed a snowball overhand at our daughter during one of the first major snowfalls of the season - and felt that pain again. This time he could not hide it. We insisted that he mention it to his doctor. He did - two months later - after we would not let him forget it. 

An X-ray, an appointment with a specialist, and an MRI later (all of which took about 8 months) they booked him for surgery to repair the place where he had partially torn his biceps muscle out of his right rotator cuff. (He's right-handed). 

Just after he got back from the recovery room.
So relieved to have the surgery behind him!!

And this morning, he finally had the surgery. All went as planned and he even got the first slot for morning surgery, so the OR was spotless and he was done in jig time. 

After he was out of recovery, they watched him and gave us instructions for post-op care. Within about an hour, we were back home and we got him all set up in his recliner, which we'd rigged with a "remote" so he could use his left hand to operate it. He got comfortable and then started drifting in and out of sleep, without the benefit of pain medications. 

And now he is still doing the same - trooper that he is. The air conditioning is on, and we are pretty much at his beck and call until he is able to get out of the sling - to our surprise he will only be in it for 2 weeks before he can start physiotherapy, which is far better than we anticipated; before the surgery, the doctor had told us that it could be as much as six weeks before physio. That tells us that things went well and there were no unexpected events... which is great news, and we are very relieved! 

As a result, I feel a bit more confident in leaving when I go out of province to start my practicum in another couple of weeks or so. He will be all healed up and strong again by American Thanksgiving!

But in the meantime, instead of being the person who watches over others, we get to watch over him - and it is a privilege to have the opportunity to return the favor to him. He deserves it - and more - so we continue our careful watch.

New Pathways

I am treading the last few yards of a familiar pathway. I know this pathway; I have been on it for decades. And ahead, I see all that is not familiar, all those things I have dreamed of but have never dared to imagine could be real. 

It is getting closer and closer the more I step forward. The fear of the unknown is mounting. And then I see signs of safety and security as I move ahead. There is a bridge over a boggy place. It is a sturdy bridge - if narrow - with handrails to guard me and support me in case I slip. 

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them out at www.pixabay.com

The view in the distance is peaceful and inviting, even though I cannot see every step ahead of me. I hear the voices of those who will be my guides into this new territory. Their voices give me strength. I hear behind me the encouraging voices of those who have been with me for years, people whom I trust and who will be supporting me emotionally - even if they won't be there physically. 

My trembling heart steadies itself. Even though I will be alone physically in some ways, I will never be alone in spirit. This fact gives me courage, like the handrail on the bridge, an assurance that my steps will not falter.

I cannot see what the path looks like beyond the next bend. But ... I have solid shoes from my mentors, and a backpack full of training to sustain me, and I know that I will have what I need when I need it, and someone to watch over me in case I stumble. I am ever so grateful for that, because in the path ahead, there will be many opportunities to make mistakes. Just knowing that I will have a guide close by me is comforting. 

I know that I will have some important steps to take in my own personal journey. Part of that journey will be the alone part, learning how to stand on my own two feet and not let others do for me what I can do for myself. A big part of it will also be shedding the baggage of the past, throwing off the coping mechanisms that served me well as long as I was in danger from people who held power over me. Now that I am aiming to be someone to whom people will come for help, I need to get rid of all of those old left-over attitudes and behaviors like the rest of Lazarus' grave clothes. I need to "not be trapped in the patterns my life has set for me" anymore, as Russ Taff sang many years ago. (Okay I just listened to that song on YouTube and ended up in tears - it's been years since I heard it and wow, was it just what I needed!) 

The path ahead will not be easy at times. I know that. However, I believe that it will lead me to a better place, to more secure footing, and to a position where - instead of feeling helpless and dependent on others - I can come alongside and help them instead.