When I was about 8 years old or so, before I learned to ride a bike (which happened when I was 11) I would often get tired on outings with my older brothers. When that happened, one of them would offer to take me home on the crossbar of his bike. I'd sit side-saddle on the bar that went between the seat and the handlebars, and hold onto either side of the centre of the handlebars. People did that all the time when I was a child. We didn't wear helmets either. It was a simpler time - and that is a whole other blog post for another time.
Anyway, we would not have gone very far before my brother, taller than I was, would lean forward and say fiercely into my ear, "Quit that!"
"Quit what?" I'd say.
"Quit steering!"
"I'm NOT steering!"
"Yes, you are, you're turning the handlebars."
"OH."
And I would try very hard to stop steering. I really would... but before long he would say, "You're doing it again. Quit that!"
And I'd reply, "I tried, it's hard."
And he'd sigh in frustration and say, "Let ME steer. Do you want us both to wind up in the ditch? You're making it hard for me to balance and keep us from falling over!"
I knew he was right. And as I thought about this memory this morning, I realized that my wanting to steer had less to do with wanting to be in charge of the bike and more to do with my fear of falling. The very thing I feared became the thing that I put myself in danger of doing - and taking someone else with me at that. The fear itself was also based on a basic, gut-level and instinctual desire for self-preservation.
At the core of it, I did not trust the person who was in charge of the bike to keep me from falling.
What I really needed to do was trust, (not just say it but really do it) and then act on that trust by letting go.
It's that way with my relationships with God, with myself, and with others too. The more I let go and trust that what needs to happen will happen, the less tense and fearful I am. This kind of faith is based on the strength of the relationships in which I find myself. Getting to know God, myself and other people is crucial to the level of trust I have in each.
So I hang around someone - anyone - to enjoy his or her company, not for what I can "get" out of the person. That's not friendship, that's being a parasite, a "user". I know because in my old world, that's usually what I did, for most of my life actually. Rare were the friendships I had where I (or the other person) didn't have a hidden agenda, an ulterior motive.
For many years, that is how I even treated God. Like He was some sort of celestial vending machine. I paid my tithe, I went to church, I didn't smoke, didn't chew and didn't associate with those that do - and in return I expected certain things from Him - answered prayer, financial blessing, health, you name it. It doesn't work like that. God is driving this bike. He graciously offered me a ride to get me to where I hadn't the strength to go by myself, and I accepted. He chooses where to go and when to turn, and my best course of action is to trust Him, let go and let Him steer.
And forget about a relationship with myself; until recently, I didn't have one. For one thing, I was told since I was very young that I wasn't to be trusted, that what I felt really wasn't what I felt, that what I had to contribute wasn't good enough, that nobody would want to hang around with me. So I didn't bother getting to know that person because obviously she was a bad person. But then God started me on this journey and I discovered that - underneath all the facades I put up to hide from myself - there was this amazing person under all those fears.
Learning to like / love myself was one of the major keys to letting go of my need to control the outcome of my life, my circumstances, and my relationships. It was a pre-requisite to having healthy relationships with others (ie., love your neighbour AS yourself), and really - having tasted this lifestyle, there is no way I would go back.
"Quit what?" I'd say.
"Quit steering!"
"I'm NOT steering!"
"Yes, you are, you're turning the handlebars."
"OH."
And I would try very hard to stop steering. I really would... but before long he would say, "You're doing it again. Quit that!"
And I'd reply, "I tried, it's hard."
And he'd sigh in frustration and say, "Let ME steer. Do you want us both to wind up in the ditch? You're making it hard for me to balance and keep us from falling over!"
I knew he was right. And as I thought about this memory this morning, I realized that my wanting to steer had less to do with wanting to be in charge of the bike and more to do with my fear of falling. The very thing I feared became the thing that I put myself in danger of doing - and taking someone else with me at that. The fear itself was also based on a basic, gut-level and instinctual desire for self-preservation.
At the core of it, I did not trust the person who was in charge of the bike to keep me from falling.
It's that way with my relationships with God, with myself, and with others too. The more I let go and trust that what needs to happen will happen, the less tense and fearful I am. This kind of faith is based on the strength of the relationships in which I find myself. Getting to know God, myself and other people is crucial to the level of trust I have in each.
So I hang around someone - anyone - to enjoy his or her company, not for what I can "get" out of the person. That's not friendship, that's being a parasite, a "user". I know because in my old world, that's usually what I did, for most of my life actually. Rare were the friendships I had where I (or the other person) didn't have a hidden agenda, an ulterior motive.
For many years, that is how I even treated God. Like He was some sort of celestial vending machine. I paid my tithe, I went to church, I didn't smoke, didn't chew and didn't associate with those that do - and in return I expected certain things from Him - answered prayer, financial blessing, health, you name it. It doesn't work like that. God is driving this bike. He graciously offered me a ride to get me to where I hadn't the strength to go by myself, and I accepted. He chooses where to go and when to turn, and my best course of action is to trust Him, let go and let Him steer.
And forget about a relationship with myself; until recently, I didn't have one. For one thing, I was told since I was very young that I wasn't to be trusted, that what I felt really wasn't what I felt, that what I had to contribute wasn't good enough, that nobody would want to hang around with me. So I didn't bother getting to know that person because obviously she was a bad person. But then God started me on this journey and I discovered that - underneath all the facades I put up to hide from myself - there was this amazing person under all those fears.
Learning to like / love myself was one of the major keys to letting go of my need to control the outcome of my life, my circumstances, and my relationships. It was a pre-requisite to having healthy relationships with others (ie., love your neighbour AS yourself), and really - having tasted this lifestyle, there is no way I would go back.
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